Sunday, October 31, 2004

 

10.30.04

So much control.

Decimation, and with an unknown reason.

Torn to shreds, I'm already apart.

Hidden behind a facade of myself.

All eyes on me.

And I turn.

I don't deserve the glance or the response.

I trespassed the line of savior.

If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would.

Docking out...
-Ryan : around the corner

Ryan posted this at 3:01 AM.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

 

10.28.04

I've failed.

I have helped no one.

Not even myself.

My regards to the world.

Docking out...
-Ryan : I love

Ryan posted this at 5:45 PM.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

 

10.28.04

To Lisa:

Hey there, beautiful.

Congratulate me, please, for I've only thought about you once today. A record, I believe. The only problem is I haven't stopped. And how could I stop? One couldn't possibly blame me. When you get the image of perfection in your head, it takes the impossible to chase it out. I could tell you how I feel about you night and day. Any part of you I could welcome to an hour long conversation or even a lecture. I could teach a whole course entirely devoted to you and the amazing emollience of your presence and the remedial extremities of your touch.

There's a buoyancy in your personality, along with you step. Never have I seen a moving object that magnetically attracts the gaze of everything it passes by. You welcomingly float, like the breeze on a warm summer day, a welcoming sway that everyone nearby shares the luxury of. You know not the wonderous effects of your own soothing voice. Within the light decibles, I can easily sense a keen amount of care and easily find shelter in your speech. I could listen forever and had you happened to have homeschooled me all my life, I'm certain I would have had a much greater amount of focus and work ethic. And your smile. Your radiant, pacifying smile. All worries and thunderous storms circulating in my head cease when you turn in my direction and indulge me in those enchanting enamels. Your smile could deflect bullets, I'm sure.

You're all that I see in a crowded room. Everyone else dissipates and disintegrates, 'cause having you here comforts me. There's an unsurpassed sense of peace whenever we're together. You've cleared my dusty eyes. Life looks so much better. You bring upon the emergence of the sun, avert the rain from falling upon you're sacred body and control the wind so that it blows gently against your face, your hair flowing in a sporadic manner, exposing the goddess.

Whenever I need reassurance, strength to carry on, or a pick-me-up, I know that all I need to do is look into your eyes.

Look into your eyes and think the usual.

Its all good.

So long as I have you.

Love,
the boyfriend

Ryan posted this at 7:19 PM.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

 

10.27.04

I can't stop if you cant start.

Do you want to fall apart?

I could if you can try to fix what I've undone, 'cause I hate what I've become.

You know me. Or you think you do, you just don't seem to see.

I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define, so let's cause a scene. Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something.

Yeah, something.

I've just got to get myself over me.

Docking out...
-Ryan : the format

Ryan posted this at 7:37 PM.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

 

10.26.04

I love.

Docking out...
-Ryan : Kim-face

Ryan posted this at 7:41 AM.

Monday, October 25, 2004

 

10.25.04

Evening. You wouldn't happen to have an aspirin would you? Or a hammer?

I knocked on my wall and surprisingly received a reply.

I juss might be concerned. I juss might. I don't know. You tell me.

I was expecting an echo, not an answer.

Shh. Quiet down. Wouldn't want them to hear that you're happy.

Careful now. We can't have them thinking you're being yourself.

You don't have to take risks if you know the outcome.

There are bruises in which you have no idea the origin.

Its possible to take without consequence.

I'd be pretty cool if I weren't so vehemently opposed to the idea.

Sake and sake. Not the same word, I assure you.

Listen. It might be the best thing you can do.

One day you'll wake up and look back. Did you live to be more than a number or a statistic?

The average highschooler will say yes when in reality they didn't.

Oh, they'll think they did.

But we'll know better.

Furthermore, why would you let something continually affect you in negative way when you yourself see that it is doing that to you and you even think that the situation is going nowhere?

Addiction, that's why.

Get over it.

I saw pigs fly.

Then again, I see a lot of things when I have my eyes closed.

Most people don't realize it yet, but they're worthy of a medal.

Forgive me if I care. Old habits are hard to break.

6 billion wouldn't be such a shocking number. Unless its 6 billion people murdering one another.Which, technically, is true.

Don't be a number.

It all works with the turn of the screw.

Docking out...
-Ryan : lived without a number

Ryan posted this at 1:05 AM.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

 

10.20.04

You know why I don't like about this year's english?

Scherer preaches what I already know.

But that's only part of it. But oh, how that's annoying.

However, his reiteration of this knowledge has brought up to focus something else that I've ignored for a long while.

People don't think.

And they should.

I really want them to.

And I've been trying to get them to for the last 5 years of my life.

And this year, the culmination of my highschool life, it juss seems like everything I've said has fallen on deaf ears.

At this point, my fellow peers have developed a sense of opinionated identity that they're going to carry with them for quite a number of years in the future.

One that's highly unshakable and will take so much to evolve even an inkling of.

I'd like to think that this is a grey issue but there's juss so much that I've noticed in people that's blasting it as a black and white thing.

You might be thinking to yourself: "Hey, you're sounding pretty opinionated too, Ryan."

True. I might be.

But its evidence versus evidence.

Thought versus thought.

I'm outside the building in the rain. You're waxed on the inside.

You may have a full house but I have a royal flush.

I'm willing to change my stances.

Some of you aren't.

It might not be the best thing.

But its better than what most people do.

Docking out...
-Ryan : he done fell off

Ryan posted this at 8:56 PM.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

 

10.17.04

Silence is destruction.

Docking out...
-Ryan : still here, don't you worry

Ryan posted this at 11:28 AM.