Monday, September 16, 2002

 

9/16/02

You know...I really don't get myself.
I've been told I can sing and dance, and I do it all the time at the house or when I'm bored but I can never do it public.
Well, I can, just not as well or as extravagantly or skillfully as I could when I'm juss chillin.
I think it's because I'm too worried about people looking at me?
I've never been one to take the spotlight, yet, whenever I'm in most of my classes, I'm usually the one being all 'perky' and jestful.
Then, before school, break and lunch I'm as quiet as ever. It's not that I don't have anything to say...believe me, I do. I have a lot of things to say...I just don't think out loud at these moments. And then there's all the idiots at our school. You don't realize how many times a day I just want to say, "Yeah, and you're beyond retarded." but I'm too nice to say so. I'd like to add more to the conversations then just a nod or a suggestion. But it's all good because my friends have spent enough time with me to have become accustomed to my actions and it's now like I talk with my body....or something.
And like I said earlier, about the classrooms, I wild out. Well, not exactly wild out, but I become more sharp and witty. I actually enjoy being up in front of the class and talking and making them all laugh. Some of you might be thinking, "Ok...Ryan making a whole room laugh? That's just....beyond crazy." Well, it's just you guys haven't seen me at my social best. Because like I've said many times before, I don't really focus on learning in class...I"d much rather talk to the person next to me.
I'm guessing the reason I can do this in the classroom is because I'm more comfortable?
And also, not only are my male social skills all out of tune, but my female skills as well.
Take my cousin's 2nd birthday party of her life this weekend.
I was able to talk, converse and make my aunt's hot neighbors laugh for the first hour before my brother's came (I have this thing about hiding my love life, even my social life, from everyone I know) but when she introduces me to the daughter of a friend of her's, I didn't do that much talking.
Actually, now looking at all this I do get myself.
Wow...I've just realized through all this non-sense that I'm not fully comfortable with my friends. I'm maybe about 60% comfortable while chilling with my friends and in classes I hardly know anyone in (the classes where I'm really quiet) but I'm 100% comfortable and happy enough to make an ass out of myself in a room where I know either: 0% or 50% of the people I know.
Maybe I like being indoors better?
I dont' know.
Now that I rethink this, I still don't get myself.
Hmm...
Here's my conclusion:
Depending on my mood I can either be the intelligent, rational, calm, laid-back, silent, always watching and thinking Ryan (i.e. chilling with my friends) or the extravagant, sharp, witty, funny, charming, intelligent Ryan (i.e. in a room in which I know no one/half the people, when I'm feeling beyond comfortable). Though, in both stages I've been told I'm nice, caring and selfless.
If this made any sense to you, you deserve a medal because it didn't even make total sense to myself.
But that just might be because I'm questioning my social standpoint in life. Or something. I think i used the right word.
Anyways, I'm confused and I'm out.
You know, I never think this much when I'm not sick. And all I have right now are the sniffles. Imagine living a day in my mind when i'm sick. I don't think you could start to comprehend it...or something.
-Ryan

Ryan posted this at 7:09 PM.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

 

9/07/02

Did I ever mention that the dance team could be much better? Or that it's way too big? Haha, I might have.
When they had the Co-ed dance team during yesterday's pep rally there was about 40 people. They shouldn't even have choreographed anything with a group that big.
They should've just had a dance club scene type thing with everyone doing their own thing. That would've been way better than the crap they performed.
They're routines are dull. The best thing the boys dance team did was those back-flips. And only 1 or 2 of the cats could actually Shake.
And did anyone see that one guy in the back by Kartiq? That guy was beyond lost.
But, anyways, they're not that bad but they could be better.
Some of you peeps might be saying, "Bro, then why don't you just join the dance team?" I was thinking about it, but I decided "No."
Yup, that's what happened.

Anyways, it looks like it's going to be the same type of football season for San Marcos as it's always been. Although, our JV team is actually good. I don't about the varsity. When we left the game, it was tied 0 to 0 at the beginning of the 3rd. It was boring, so we just chilled the rest of the night.
But our cheerleaders are awesome, haha.

The school year looks like its going to be a dope one. I've gotten used to my schedule and the new cats in all my classes. Though, I've been separated from a whole of grip of peeps. I guess its because I took honors classes despite them not having the extra GPA point.
I've realized what classes I can fool around and just mellow out in, though. It's all groovy.
And I think there's some angels jocking me, haha.
I'm out.
-Ryan

Ryan posted this at 2:21 PM.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

 

9/01/02

Now Jasmine had me thinkin she was the only one for me.
And Kristina had those angel eyes,
that changed my mind,
the day she looked at me.
Then outta nowhere you came walking in my life,
you really blew my mind.
Now I don't care about those other girls.
It's only you I need in my world.

Not sayin Elena wasn't cool,
but you changed my point of view.
Nikki was nice sweet and everythang
but nothing compares to you.
You stole my heart and I'm torn apart.
I don't wanna cause the pain.
I would gladly throw it all away,
for what I found in you today.

Excuse me my cutie...
tell me could you be, the kinda shorty just for me?
My everlasting meant to be?
From the moment I saw you,
my heart was racing.
And I can't let you walk away
So won't you tell me girl,
could you be the kinda lady that I need?

Well, could you?
-Ryan

Ryan posted this at 9:49 PM.