Tuesday, September 02, 2003

 

9/2/03

Yay! Serious post time because this has been on my mind every now and then for the past 2 weeks...

You know, sometimes I wish I wasn't so blithe and nonchalant about everything. Some might say that I'm lucky to be so optimistic and I would have to agree, but sometimes, I juss wish something bad would happen to me (strange, I know).
I'm a big believer in rolling with the punches or making a sad song better, so I don't really have many problems. Its because of this attitude difference that I can't relate to most people's dilemmas. Ironically, this poses a conflict in me because sometimes I juss don't know what to say when I honestly feel for someone. I'd like to make them feel better, but how could I possibly do so when I haven't been in that position myself?

Unless of course its in the field of romantic angst. No one can touch me in that arena. Lately, I'm always finding myself having affectionate feelings for a girl whose case of interest resides in another boy. In the rare scenario that I do find someone who has reciprocating emotions, it doesn't last very long, resulting in a creeping fling. However, I'm still lounged out in that aspect, not burdening myself with the loneliness as so many others do.

Sometimes I feel like my positive mindset makes people not want to tell me their problems because they feel that by doing so, they might bring me down. Trust me, you won't.

At times, it might seem like I'm stressed or bitter because of some of the comments I make. Really, I'm not. That's juss me spouting out the playful thoughts in my head in a monotone voice from boredom. And juss because I don't feel that I deserve recognition and I always put myself down doesn't mean I hate myself. That's juss my way of keeping me humble because I've seen what an inflated ego can do to some people (that and because I'm the only person who is willing to do so).

I'm not falling down, I'm falling up.

You know that song, "You're So Last Summer" by Taking Back Sunday?
"The truth / is you could slit my throat / and with my last one gasping breath, I'd aplogize / for bleeding on your shirt."
"If I'm juss bad news, then you're a liar."
Yeah, I trill juss like that cat.

No, I didn't say the glass was half full. I said it was both. So technically I'm a realist, not an optimist.

Embrace the good, fix the bad and model the ugly.

And now that I got that out of the way, I won't have to contemplate it anymore. Clap to that!

Docking out...
-Ryan : would like a raging wind across his sea

Ryan posted this at 10:59 PM.