Sunday, February 25, 2007

 

02.25.07

I am the most frontingest.

Enigmatic and aversive... I can play it so well.

I don't trust photos.

Please do not refer to members of the opposite sex as "bitches" in my presence.

Unless you're using it as an adjective-- 'cause hey, some people just are sometimes.

If you need to remind yourself to live a better life, you're already behind.

I don't know if one would call it a problem, but I've always had the propensity to understand everyone around me-- including strangers.

Especially strangers.

I found myself doing it again on the train ride down and I'm certain I'll do it on the train ride up.

Silently, I would observe the other passengers, perhaps sharing a conversation with them every now and then.

And I'd be right about them.

It sometimes scares me.

I find that I'd rather have omniscience than omnipotence.

If I know what's going on, I know what actions to take and what routes to roll with.

It was a developed ability whose origin isn't something that I'm proud of.

You could deal with the same problem over and over and find yourself still not knowing the best way to handle it.

I will say this: it should never have gotten to the point in the first place.

The trickiest thing is you know what one shouldn't do-- and the right thing...

Well, even though it's maybe the right thing to do, it certainly isn't the safest.

I feel like how I did during most of high school-- while I had my privacy every now and then, I never really had any downtime completely to myself.

Weird how I now view going home as a vacation-- that place where I can get away (much like how I use to have the hill).

But, I didn't get my downtime this weekend and this recent restlessness still stirs within me.

I thought maybe working out the performance the past week would throw me out of it-- it only worsened it, evolving it even.

I take sole responsibility.

There was just so much more I could have done.

Both for the performance and to better various other situations that are occuring right now.

I know how bad things can get--

but I also know how good they can be.

You can find the bad and the good in everything.

It's all about perspective and focus.

Remember to always smile.

Is it bad that I've hit that point where I don't think you could surprise me?

Try me.

Many people spend too much time criticizing others and the way they lead their lives.

They should focus instead on helping them understand their own autonomies and their own conditions, helping them come to grips with the responsibilites they have concerning themselves.

The only thing that's ever satiated these pangs was helping others.

Maybe it's an attempt at redemption.

Whatever it is, it seriously affects me and goes straight through to my heart.

I am capable and have control over so much-- it hurts me deeply when I know it was within my power to make it better.

Docking out...
-Ryan : continue to Side B

Ryan posted this at 4:43 AM.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

 

02.17.07

At what point in a woman's pregnancy is it okay to ask if they're pregnant?

Or is it one of those things you never approach, for fear of [insert appropriate PC term] woman anger?

Didn't you get that memo?

All kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive.

But be careful.

The streets ain't no joker, man.

The sidewalks might get you first.

Mess around and find out juss how real it is.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances- if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Listen, I just wanna know you.

Know you like I know my garden.

What you smell like when you're blooming.

What lives underneath.

There's a funny concept.

A lot of you cats live, but you don't live.

To enjoy the flavor of life take big bites.

Live to the point of tears.

And if you're going through hell, keep going.

It's only one day. And please note...

We do not remember days...we remember moments.

A lot of us have past that magic moment.

The magic moment is that in which a 'yes' or a 'no' may change the whole of our existence.

But hey now, some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Delicious ambiguity...

Mmm, mmm!

Docking out...
-Ryan : didn't you get that memo?

Ryan posted this at 1:16 AM.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

 

02.15.07

It's hard, because you eventually learn that people are multi-faced.

I'm not talking about manipulative and selective fronts-- I'm talking about the tendencies of one's demeanor depending on who they're with and who they're around.

I've always dealt with people.

I don't think there's anything else that I can do better.

We all have our pro's and con's when it comes to meshing with people. Generally speaking, we all have traits which society deems as bad or as good.

The secret is to find what really matters most in a person, and constantly stroke and encourage these virtues and talents in people.

The more you do that, the more often you'll see these things come to a fruition from one's essence.

I never ridicule or make fun of others-- I tease.

It's a fine line at times between the two, but there is also a major difference.

I hold no bitter intentions nor am I acting in any real, facetious fashion.

If you can take a joke, I'm going to make them.

If I feel you're stalwart, I will let you know.

It's a compliment, really.

Unknowingly, I'm constantly testing others, though not necessarily in a bad way.

It is, however, a bad habit.

A very bad one, at that.

I hold no disregard for myself, yet I instinctively work to bring out the best in other people.

I am a natural enigma, nurtured by aversion, and yet it's important for me to understand everyone around me, valuing omniscience over omnipotence.

I have this inherent inclination to try and enrich people's lifestyles, and try to create harmony in the atmospheres around me.

I just want every person to have a little jubilancy in their lives, even if it's only every now and then-- is that too much to ask?

Yes, Ryan, it is.

You know this.

You can't save everyone.

You gotta get used to that.

...

Especially if you wanna be Doc Ock.

...4 extra robotic arms at your leisure.

That'd be badass.

Docking out...
-Ryan : it's your God forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved

Ryan posted this at 4:46 AM.

Monday, February 12, 2007

 

02.12.07

He was so happy to hear that they had broken up.

And you know what? I can't blame him-- I hope things go well.

She's deserved better for a long time, and he's been waiting too long to be happy by making her happy.

Make this wednesday count- whether or not you're celebrating Valentine's Day or Singles' Awareness Day.

Smile-- regardless of what's going on around you.

You just might find yourself feeling better.

Biologically, you could say that smiling induces the flow of feel-good endorphins in your body.

Or maybe it's because when you smile, you tend to start thinking pleasant thoughts.

You know what, either way the endorphins are flowing.

Shut up.

Docking out...
-Ryan : when roses turn blue

Ryan posted this at 3:37 AM.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

 

2.06.07

Never once really considered myself as injured. -
Take out the "j", and it's an entirely different word. -
A blithe and soft exterior but I am inured. -
A caveat: I can cut deeper than any sword.

Memories are a tricky thing.

You don't tend to remember the in-between, but just the extremes--

the really good and the really bad.

It's funny then how the smallest in-between thing can trigger a chain of memories and events.

You know, I can't help you this time.

Yeah, I know how the system operates and how every single component in it will function.

I know the sequencing, the cause and effect, how this will react to and because of that.

But you do too.

The only difference is that you think it's hopeless-- that it can't get any better and that trying isn't enough.

Well, I'll tell you what...

it matters a great deal that you try. The smallest things? They all add up.

They add up to good things-- something that isn't too common there.

The ratio of good things to bad things in this world is small--

So hold dear and cherish what you can-- because they're worth it.

Do because of purpose, not because of pride.

Pride is what started this--

it's what started it all in the beginning, before we even reached that naive age of pre-pubescence.

So, what do you do?

Docking out...
-Ryan : forgive 'em all, they did their best to hate

Ryan posted this at 4:18 AM.