Thursday, March 29, 2007

 

3.29.07

Do you ever have anything positive to say?

I mean, really. Tell me something good in your life right now that isn't about or somehow related to your ego.

It could be so much worse, and all you ever seem to allude to is yourself.

And you-- you have to learn how to trust other people.

Maybe not fully, 'cause there's always that offchance-- but you gotta realize that others are certainly just as capable.

Every now and then you got to give a little to get a lot. I'm just saying.

As for you, you have to learn how to let things go. It's not worth it to be holding grudges and harboring contempt for others.

Your bitterness exudes and permeates your pores and affects all those around you. It's easily evident in your speech and your actions.

It happened. You best learn from it and move on, lest you want to stay in the state that you're currently in. At this moment, no one is holding you back except for yourself.

Your motivation should stem from yourself and not because of others. I'm just saying.

There are so many things happening right now that I don't even know where to begin.

It's almost as if everyone is going through a period of sadness or anger for whatever reason...

and you know what? It affects me.

Every little detail-- it affects me.

They affect me in ways that you don't even know.

It never gets any easier and I don't know how I'm able to keep my composure when so many emotions and thoughts violently stir within me.

I still find ways to jest and smile.

But this past month, and now with this week-- it's just not fair.

It seems like everything's hit an all-time low and for once, I can't say a thing.

Not because I'm not capable, or I'm not able to comment, or I don't have the right piece of advice but simply because I am tired.

I am mentally exhausted from having to deal with so much, ranging from the petty to the downright heartbreaking.

And when I say deal with, I'm not talking about what most people do-- just hearing about it and just letting it bounce and vibe for just a couple of minutes.

I talking about actually taking it in, absorbing it-- thinking of ways to improve the situations and taking the actual time to talk to these people.

I haven't been to one of these in a while. The last time I had gone...

I hadn't bawled like that since I was a child.

It never gets any easier and you never quite know what to say. There's not much you can say at that point, really.

All you can do is offer a shoulder and an ear and let time do its thing.

In all regards, it's all good.

Time will do its thing.

With its passing, you'll realize again all the intricacies of joy that exist within the world and the reasons to face the world with a smile.

There's are so many bad things that happen daily-- you have to celebrate every precious moment of natural good that you are surrounded in.

It's disheartening that we all take so many things for granted and it takes such momentous events like this to make us re-evaluate everything, including the way we live our lives and our existence.

Don't let it go.

Docking out...
-Ryan : iceboxed

Ryan posted this at 2:49 AM.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

 

03.21.07

I know I'm not that guy that turns heads.

The guy who walks past you on campus, who you give a little smile to, and secretly watch from behind as he continues to go on his way.

The guy in the movies where everything stops as soon as he walks through that front door.

The one who doesn't really have to say anything to get your interest.

The kind of alpha-male who can net any girl he wants to with just a quick glance from his eyes.

I'm not the guy that you hit on.

The guy who as soon as you look at his handsome face, plants a crush seed in your head, whose existence is constantly nurtured with your chronicling of your romantic history together that is nothing more than a culmination of various hello's and daydreams.

No.

I'm not that guy.

I've been surrounded by them all my life. Two of my best friends are those guys.

I'm the guy that you hear about from everyone else. The kind of guy of that when we do eventually meet, you can't help but say, "I've heard so much about you!".

The kind of guy you're comfortable bringing home to your parents, but also to meet your closest circle of friends.

The guy who doesn't let his eyes, looks and body do the talking, but actually does the talking.

The one who always says the right things at the right time.

The type of guy who'll fix your TV or put together your bookcase.

The one who isn't in a rush, who's more than patient.

A person who will make you laugh and be there for you when you want to cry.

The kind of fellow who you think about because he does little things here and there that no one else ever really notices.

You don't develop a quick, loose crush on me.

Given time, I'm the one that you fall for.

And, you know...

I'm okay with that.

Docking out...
-Ryan : demure and inured

Ryan posted this at 3:28 AM.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

 

03.20.07

You know what?

I'm probably going to go bald or have my hair start thinning by the time I'm 40...

so let me enjoy my follicle growth in all it's glory while I still can.

Let me cherish this volume!

But to answer your question, yes.

Yes, I'll cut it soon.

These past few weeks I've felt like I've had mono...

comboed with an angry cold.

Not a good duo to have to wrestle when you've had so much planned.

Went to D-Land's Califo'nia Ad-Venture for the first time this past weekend.

...Wasn't as bad as I thought.

What it lacks in thrill-rides, it more than makes up in shows.

That Aladdin show? Freakin' bomb, yo.

I could see myself doing that for a summer.

And that little animation workshop extravaganza or whatnot?

That was some slick stuff too. You get to draw, sing/act in a scene and even take a Disney character personality quiz.

Add to the fact that I went with one of the most badass group of kids ever, and you know it's a good time.

Yeah, I'm a goober. I know.

But what you didn't know...

is that I'm the KING Goober, son.

Tell yo' friends 'bout me, sucka.

Kids need to calm down and count to 60.

During that countdown, they need to put their lives into perspective and find what really matters.

What they should do is think first about what they can do to better themselves and then from there, proceed to finds ways to enrich the lives of those around them with whatever they have at their disposal.

There, I said it.

Stop yo' ventin' and do something about it.

It happened. Now move on and make it better or make it different.

I'm just saying.

You ever just feel like you're capable of just too many things?

Putting myself in context, I've found that I'm a little bit of a lot.

I'm average or just a little above average-- in soooo many things.

But I don't really see myself excelling greatly in one thing.

Everyone has that one thing. You know?

That one thing that they're extremely good at and just pick up without any effort whatsoever?

That thing that you know that they should just be doing for the rest of their lives?

Yeah, I need me one of those.

'Cause I thought I knew, but a year in college and you might find yourself questioning EVERYTHING (...and their mother).

I'm beginning to see myself less as a man of science and more of a man of... social science?

I'm becoming more of a people-person and see myself in more of a counselor or social engineering position.

Or an astronaut.

I'm just saying.

I'm just not as motivated anymore.

Not that I was beforehand, but it's even less now than it was back then.

If there's one thing I do concretely have, it's self-assurance...

and that can go a long way.

Docking out...
-Ryan : blazer-fire

Ryan posted this at 2:56 AM.

Monday, March 12, 2007

 

03.12.07

The human condition is a strange one.

=-=-=

She could compete with the best of the goddesses on a good day on Mt. Olympus.

A modern day Helen of Troy, she was equipped with a smile that men would go to war for.

She moved with the grace of the wind, reminiscent of a floating angel.

Not a word was needed to escape her lips. Just a quick glance from her direction was enough to quell the most violent storms.

Swaying with a blithe softness, signs of self-assurance vibed within her confident swagger.

The trust she had in her own abilities and blessings further fueled her demure attractiveness.

She knew what she wanted and while she was easily capable, did not abuse her appeal.

Her discipline and patience made her that much more beseeching and made her romantic decisions that much more powerful in magnitude.

She is why the word "ethereal" came to existence--

within reach but never within embrace.

=-=-=

The attraction to her was a strange one.

Though they rarely saw one another and almost never hung out, the exchanges between them hinted at so much more.

He wasn't even sure if he was just being witty and friendly or if he was ever flirting.

All he knew was that the clever banter and wily conversation between the two stirred something within him.

Someone that could retort with the same quickness and sharpness as he-- it peaked his interest.

To him, to tease was a compliment-- if he respected someone well enough and felt like they could take a joke, he would make it.

Anyone that could be that carefree and self-assured was someone he'd like to be around.

Just the mere fact that she even knew half of the stuff he alluded to marked her for affection.

She was a goober--

and he'd leave it at that, waiting for her riposte.

=-=-=

The girl in question, every now and then, complains about the load she has to deal with.

Many will comment that it's her fault for putting so much on her plate-- if she can't handle it, then why do it in the first place?

To be honest, she can handle it and even though she decides to do so much, it isn't as much as a decision as one might believe.

In truth, she gets herself involved because she cannot stand being lethargic. To be busy is something that she must do.

It's not boredom that drives such notions, but something much deeper.

Perhaps it is pride? Was there some event that happened in her distant past that brought her need to prove herself to fruition?

A competitive nature hints at notions of inferiority and her need for attention show signs of a lapse in confidence.

Whatever the cause, one thing is certain-- because of such a heavy offset, her moments of celebration and jubilation are made that much stronger.

To see her smile and to hear that genuine laughter are rewards in themselves.

He would make it his mission to provide her happiness whenever he was able to.

=-=-=

Observation. It happens.

Docking out...
-Ryan : gawrsh!

Ryan posted this at 3:00 AM.

Monday, March 05, 2007

 

03.05.07

I can't be droppin' the ball.

I never have.

I never will.



Docking out...
-Ryan : sticky icky tricky

Ryan posted this at 2:09 AM.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

 

o3.03.07

I am so proud of my team and possess so much love for them.

There's a multitude of things going on right now and, though they don't know, if it weren't for them, I don't know how I would've gotten through this week.

I've been more sick than I've ever been in a long time. Since sunday, it's left me bed-ridden (well... more like "couch"-ridden).

I'd wake up at 2 almost every day and I'd still be cold and beyond sore. I'd rest up, wake up, take a shower (and maybe if I remembered, take some 'quil).

I've been walking to practice/campus these past few days 'cause riding my bike has been making me nauseated.

I don't even know how I pulled myself together to perform on thursday, but I did.

All I know is, being there at practice with a focus and purpose helped me maintain function.

I like to converse. I'll talk if I have to, but I'd rather listen.

Stories, experiences and all that jazz-- just talking to other people.

It helps me remember and at the same time, for a moment, forget.

Have you ever heard a joke so many times you forgot why it's funny?

But then you hear it again and suddenly it's new?

I am the most frontingest.

Free food? I'm down!

Best learn the rules before you play the game-- I grew up way before you did.

I can take a hit.

You gotta view life like grapes--

Sure, you get a bad one every now and then, but you still have the whole vine to vibe off of.

Docking out...
-Ryan : waaah-tuh!

Ryan posted this at 5:47 PM.