Saturday, June 16, 2007

 

06.16.07

It's weird seeing the sum of everything that was your life for the past year to be so easily organized, packed and stacked in a neat little pyramid when it was just recently a random array of here and there.

And to think, give or take a short amount of time, it'll happen again.

Lather, rinse and repeat.

Life's kind of the same way.

But the meaning of it all is that there is no meaning.

Is this what it's like in the long run?

If so, then the only thing that makes it exciting (and/or even worth it, some would say) are the little bumps and spikes in the linear path.

Good or bad.

You have to give it meaning.

I've said it before:

There are those who argue that nothing in this world is significant at all-- that's it only when we start giving things value that they hold a concept of worth.

I like to imagine reality easily set-up like a piece of graph paper-- a series of intersecting linear lines.

It is, however, different in the fact that these lines rotate on a 360 degree axis infinitely with varying degrees of angular speed at any given moment.

We all ride our lines from beginning to finish.

And they all intersect at different places and different times, regardless of whether or not we're at that exact location at that time.

I don't believe that things happen for a reason (that would just go against the idea of free will), but I do believe that things happen and they become reasons for us to make alterations in our lives-- it's these things that shape who we are, how we view things, how we develop relationships with eachother and how we live our lives.

You just have to be in the right place at the right time or, in the unfortunate circumstance, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Life's been too unpredictable in my experience to not view it in such a way.

Plan all you want.

You can cover all the angles-- I try and succeed at it very often.

But things just fall down to percentages and very likely's.

It's a game that can't be won, only played.

Stop or start.

Make it work.

To find the beauty out of every situation, that is my main intention.

One poem, one song, one number, one act, one piece--

One peace.

It's funny how the littlest thing can bring about doubt, making you view every little detail in retrospect and making you wish you had done things just a little big differently because maybe if you did, that person's life would be that much better and they wouldn't be in the grind and wear in tear of the streets.

It's funny how the littlest thing can remind you of something, and bring a slight smirk upon your face.

It's also funny how the littlest thing can make your heart ache like nothing else can, no matter how stalwart or even jaded you've become to certain things.

And it's funny how you can let things go, no matter how hard, because you know how important or maybe even right it is, no matter the amount of denial you may be in considering the fact you do all you can not to think about it but inevitably find yourself doing so.

For what it's worth, at the very least, this rollercoaster of emotions is making me feel alive and gives me confidence that my silent fortress hasn't gotten the best of me.

You gotta realize that the idea of "home" starts internally.

If you're not comfortable with yourself, you'll never be comfortable anywhere.

=-=-=

There's only one shot that's in perfect harmony with the field. One shot that's his...

Authentic shot.

That shot is going to choose him. There's a perfect shot trying to find every one of us.

All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way...

And let it choose us.

=-=-=

Not that it matters anymore, but this just conjured itself in my mind the other night...

When she beds, there is a certain type of warmth that permeates and emanates from her cuddlesome body that beckons for kind indulgence. Yet, at the same time, there is an inherent frailty in her slumber, a sort of delicacy within the rhythmic up and downs of her chest and the susurrous breaths that escape her tender lips that are somehow melodic and euphoniously induce sleep with a magnitude that no amount of sheep or Sandman could ever hope to produce.

Son.

Docking out...
-Ryan : inured, not injured

Ryan posted this at 2:33 PM.