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The OoOoWeE Insight And the world makes sense once again. 
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Sunday, December 18, 200512.18.05
It's one of those moments when you've lost your knowledge of your own abilities.
You question how many you have, how skilled or talented you really are.
What happened to it? To them? Are they just lying dormant for a short period of time, hibernating?
Or were they never really there?
Did you let it go?
What are you good at?
What is your passion?
What do you do when you're a little of a lot?
It's a moment when you realize that you really don't know what you want to do.
You sit there and wonder, "What's the point?"
There has to be something better than this.
You're sure of it.
But what if it's not the case?
What are you working towards?
A life of leisure?
One of happiness?
Why is happiness something earned?
A moment of clarity, some would say.
You begin to wonder why you care--
why you did care.
Or even, did you ever really care?
Some things aren't worth fighting for--
and some things you shouldn't have to fight for.
There are things you shouldn't have to fight over.
It wasn't me?
How do you know?
It might be an interchangeable mask dilemma--
it's been switched so many times before, who knows which one was the original?
What happened to the valedictorian, to the genius?
Well, he stopped.
He stopped a long time ago. He ceased to be.
Sorry to burst your bubble.
They want you to do this.
To prove you're better than everyone-- with your edumacation.
Well, I don't want to be better than everyone or anyone.
People are trying so much to be a something when they already are something.
The worse part is, I owe it to them.
I have to pay them back.
But I don't know if I want to continue on like this.
I'm taking from the world what the world didn't give me.
I need stimulation.
And I'm not getting it.
And it's been that way for a while.
There's always been that void and its shield has developed quite a tolerance in the past few years.
That would explain a lot.
Everyone has a security item to keep them comfort.
A blanket. A stuffed-animal. A picture.
Silence has always been mine.
Funny how that works out.
Oh, wait, that's right-- it sometimes doesn't.
Silence isn't golden.
Silence sometimes leads to idiocy and genocide.
You've always wanted to learn how to read people?
It's in their eyes, their actions--
their silence.
That tractor beam line sounds vaguely familiar.
Docking out...
-Ryan : hush, hush
Ryan posted this at 11:06 PM.12.6.05
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Update:
Studying sucks.
How do people do this for a living?
Docking out...
-Ryan : making up for lost time
Ryan posted this at 12:08 AM.12.01.05
Friday, December 02, 2005
You know that Buzz Lightyear ride at Disneyland?
I owned that bad-boy.
Hard.
You're welcome.
Docking out...
-Ryan : master-blaster
Ryan posted this at 3:47 AM.12.1.05
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Always keep your words soft and sweet.
You never know when you'll have to eat them.
I suck at math, by the way.
Docking out...
-Ryan : numerically retarded
Ryan posted this at 10:18 PM.11.30.05
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
A ruler wears a crown while the rest of us wear hats.
But which would you rather have when it’s raining?
I'd go for the umbrella.
Better yet, nothing.
Docking out...
-Ryan : puts the "hug" in thug
Ryan posted this at 5:24 PM.11.29.05
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sometimes people ask, "Whoa there. You're total polar opposites. How do things work out?"
Well, what a ry-diculous question.
Let me put it this way:
You can't fully engulf yourself in the beauty and mysterious wonderment of the stars without having the black night sky behind it, can you?
Consequently, you can't appreciate the depth of the deep galaxy and fathom it's endless splendor without factoring in the twinkling stars within it.
It's like Yin and Yang.
Peanut-butter jelly.
Peanut-butter jelly with a baseball bat.
Some people think cucumbers taste better pickles.
It doesn't have to make sense.
That's what we're looking into it for.
And we've found that it works.
Docking out...
-Ryan : and I hear 'em say
Ryan posted this at 12:17 AM.11.21.05
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
So, I guess I'll be having a single the rest of the year.
I won't delve into further detail than that.
It's not for the faint of heart.
I'll be honest.
I'm a little dissapointed.
What a groovy weekend it has been.
Docking out...
-Ryan
Ryan posted this at 12:57 AM.11.18.05
Friday, November 18, 2005
Things can get pretty hectic.
But even so, you can't let them bring you down too far.
Turn that anchor into a platform and come back up as much as you can.
Those outside forces-- they'll remain outside forces.
You may not be able to control, but you can work with them.
Communication is a big thing.
It's hard for many-- I know.
Getting over something and/or dealing with it shares a fine line with running away.
Be careful. One's better than the other.
"Santa Barbara-- the place where we 'handle' our business."
This is where I go to college.
The most intelligent party school.
A place where alcohol is consumed like oxygen.
But hey, don't get me wrong.
I don't mind if these cats drink.
That's fine.
I'm all for a good time, and if you want to get tipsy, it's all good.
It's just the reasoning behind it and the amount of.
It's irritating when people say that they drink in order to become more sociable-- being drunk opens them up (in some cases, in more ways than one) and gives them some absentee motivation.
Maybe it's the fact that I personally don't need alcohol to talk to people, I don't know.
Or, people say that things are just easier to sift through when they're drunk.
Look, alcohol is no substitute for dealing with your problems.
If you're abusing it for that factor, you're just augmenting your sorrows.
They say things are just funnier when you're drunk.
I feel it's actually funnier watching drunk people and being sober gives it a sort of bonus "Haha, you're an idiot drunk" factor.
It's ry-diculous how some cats become when they're drunk.
People pride themselves on their tales of inebriation.
Kids trade their monologues and stories like they were exchanging cash.
And, as always, the one with more always comes out on top in bartering.
The stories are funny, yes-- but many times they're also idiotic.
The thing that gets me is that these kids aren't idiotic at all.
To be honest, Santa Barbara has some of the most well-rounded kids that I know.
They have a good balance of book-smarts and street-smarts.
The only problem is that the majority of kids lack self-restraint and discipline.
And while those that do may not be ridiculed for it, people like to talk.
It's not a bad thing to not drink, smoke or party.
And you, Mr. Too Consumed With The Womb.
Freakin' lounge out.
You're not helping yourself and you're just creeping people out.
Honestly.
You've probably seen it all the time and thought to yourself, "That can't possibly work."
And it doesn't.
Look, just be cool, be eloquent and articulate, drop the pick-up lines and steer away from sexual innuendos at all costs.
And listen.
With your ears.
And no wandering eyes.
You'll find out things you never knew before.
You don't need all this jibba-jabba, my friends.
You can do it on your own.
It's a fact that you're better than you actually think you are.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I'm sick (with a cold)
Ryan posted this at 10:32 PM.11.16.05
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Important news!
=-=-=-=
Worried about those abdominal muscles of yours?
I've found a better alternative to "Six Minute Abs"!
You just need to take the illness lottery and try for that 1/50 chance that you'll get a cold with a mad cough!
Just 10 minutes of coughing is equivalent to about 1000 sit-ups!
Expensive?!
No!
Time-consuming?!
No!
Bad for your health?!
What isn't nowadays?!
As a special bonus, you can even intimidate dogs*!
*This potentially pertains only to little/nano dogs or dogs of the virtual nature (i.e Nintendogs).
=-=-=
Being sick's groovy.
Other than your immune system, there's one thing you can count on:
People want you to get better.
It's a good thing.
Docking out...
-Ryan : "Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll show her my [sick] face. You know what I'm talking about."
Ryan posted this at 2:18 AM.11.13.05
Monday, November 14, 2005
Every now and then people ask, "Man, don't you get tempted up there?"
Well, man does have a natural desire to want to implant his seed in every accessible female.
It's a feral instinct-- a basic human desire that we share with the animals.
I like to think that I'm better than that.
Plus, it makes it a lot easier to have an awesome girlfriend that you would do anything for.
And that's including not implanting your seeds in every accessible female.
It's really not that hard, guys.
Have some willpower.
And affection.
=-=-=
He would describe all of it in one word: progressive. That's was his view. Economy and physics.
It was a simple law: what stays in motion wants to remain in motion, and that's what it was eternally doing. It was a big organism that had too many things going on at once and people did their best to try and justify it all as a whole. However, to him, it was just too gargantuan.
Things were going to happen every now and then and the worst part was there was nothing you could do to stop it. True, there were many ways to avoid the multiple instances that could occur spontaneously, but it was going to happen. It was bound to. Controlled chaos, some would call it.
To move on from one thing to the next. To ebb and to flow. To roll with the punches. To be, in a sense, nomadic, sporadic. That's how one had to operate in order to function at all in this world.
It was all too easy to crash and burn. To be stagnant, lethargic. To sit there and try to justify what had just happened.
The idea that a plan had been set out for all seemed ridiculous. What was the point-- self-discovery? What good could self-discovery and the strengthening of character be in an environment where it would constantly be tested and needed but never ultimately change?
Why were some plans harder, easier, longer or shorter than others? Some were just born lucky, he guessed. It isn't entirely fair that some were blessed with stalwart demeanors and strong stomachs.
Like many blunders, it had surely been established with good intentions, but now there was just too much suffering. The entire mechanism was a trap for its inhabitants. It was an abandoned product. Everyone had their problems and sometimes it seemed like that was the only connection found, let alone, shared.
If anyone was going to save one another, it would be each other. People were lonely, but they were lonely together.
For every solution, multiple conflicts resulted. It was a cycle that was started long ago and never evolved to a better position.
No one liked to be wrong. No one enjoyed not having control. People are inherently selfish-- it's a product of survival. What beauty could be found was encapsulated into a single concept and reserved for a certain group. Certain universals became luxuries. One man's treasure was literally one man's treasure and no one elses.
The catch was that things had to be this way in order to exist-- there needed to be a reason for employment. It could not continue to strive for as long as it had if it wasn't. The machine hadn't been built with unlimited resources-- that just wouldn't make sense. One had to feed off pain in one way or another in order to get away from it. Happiness was attained at the expense of someone else. Without an imbalance, some things wouldn't move forward. Something can't be moved in a given directon without a push.
It was all a given. It was overlooked. People needed to be busy.
And busy they were and forever busy will they be. It was a circle, an infinite routine.
He would describe all of it in one word: progressive.
That's was his view.
Economy and physics.
=-=-=
I'm wearing my "Lisa" socks.
You only wish you were this badass.
Holla.
Okay, you're a little too excited.
Down, boy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : stick witchu
Ryan posted this at 1:37 AM.11.2.05
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
It's really hard.
I'm really struggling.
It's not the workload.
It's not the difficulty of the subjects.
I just don't want to become a slacker.
Docking out...
Ryan : ...
Ryan posted this at 3:17 PM.10.27.05
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Lookin at himself but wishin he was someone else
because the posters on the wall that don’t look like him at all.
So he ties it up he tucks it in he pulls it back he gives a grin,
laughin at himself because he knows he aint loved at all.
He gets his courage from the can, it makes him feel like a man
because he’s lovin all the ladies but the ladies don’t love him at all.
When he’s not drunk he’s only stuck on himself,
and then he has the nerve to say he needs a decent girl.
Docking out...
-Ryan : posters
Ryan posted this at 2:04 PM.10.26.05
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I'm better written.
Docking out...
-Ryan : syllogistic refutations
Ryan posted this at 3:31 PM.10.25.05
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Like the opera at a disco.
Can you figure out what this all means?
Why?
Why not?
When do the ends justify the means?
Gangrene.
So, I saw a Sterling and a Stefanie Elitharp the other day.
Holding you is like a month of sundays.
Have you ever had anything just blow your mind?
You just sit there watching, maybe not in disbelief, but you're very absorbed.
You think as many thoughts in the span of five minutes as you would have thought in five hours on any normal day.
Intelligence can be a dangerous thing.
Let me tell you something about obedience:
It can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing.
I'd argue that we could never find ourselves in a state of complete anarchy because there are enough open-minded people in this country with enough common sense to deter from stupidirty during such situations.
But then I thought about how easily parties can be amassed in moments of chaos thanks to
disorganization and the fluttering of minds.
People are too impressionable.
So here's the thing: learn to analyze situations and yourself to the best of your abilities.
Because when it gets down to the wire, it all falls down to you: you'll be making the decisions.
So keep your head and be smart.
Don't obey others, don't even obey your thirst.
Me?
I'm working on it too.
I don't even obey myself at times.
I obey what's best pertaining to the situation.
And that's why it's always all good.
It's all good.
Docking out...
-Ryan : nice isn't the term- problem solver instead?
Ryan posted this at 2:07 PM.10.20.05
Friday, October 21, 2005
Commecialist can be rearranged to spell out microclimate.
And there was reason to dance.
By the way, just because you're a virgin or don't choose to drink, doesn't mean you're not cool.
Why would it even be an issue in the first place?
Stick to you guns and be who you want to be.
People are chill like that.
=-=-=
She spoke with a pleasant flow that was smooth, like a member of the Rat Pack. Not overly complicated, one was swayed into her conversations and just as easily became interested. While her beauty is what initially drew attention, her intelligent and witty banter were what made men linger.
She had a cute appeal that made her a precious commodity. One wasn't blinded by lust when it came to her- men wanted to handle her gently like a china doll. She was a fragile wonder that required the utmost devotion, attention and care and to do otherwise would be a crime.
And just the same, her movements were like strokes of calligraphy- smooth, elegant and fluent. When done moving from A to B, one couldn't help but redraw the path in their minds, the picture created by the various points worthy enough to be imprinted in one's head.
It would not be out of the ordinary to find men retracing her steps, hoping to find within those invisible walkways to key to unlocking this lovely love's love.
But unbeknownst to them, the secret lay in the emollient wind.
Just as it sporadically flowed in different directions, so did her taste in men. She wanted so badly to fall in love that it could've been anyone, as long as they were in the right place at the right time. She had gone through so much heartbreak that she gave up looking.
But her emotional pain stemmed not from the men, but from herself.
She embarassingly owned a lengthy track record of beaus from every facet of life and of every personality type. She went through men like a child to candy- each time finding herself hungrier and hungrier. Unhappy with each one, she moved on, though she felt guilty with every turn down.
To her, dating more resembled shopping with unlimited returns.
At this point, she was jaded, convinced that she had found the best out there and was still not satisfied. She joked that she suffered from romantic ADD but she often worried that she had passed up the one.
And whenever she had worry on her mind, she went to that same place. It was her own private spot where she could just listen to the one thing that she could relate to- the wind.
It would flow from this way to that and it always made the same soft whistle of a bellow, much like her exhales when, again, she had not found the one. This particular evening, she shut her eyes into a meditative state, intently focused on the faint calls of the violent gales. Translating it's message, she painted a path in her mind, following it with closed eyes. Slowly, she refurbished her sight.
In view was the one boy she wouldn't have thought of.
Of course, only he would have known the path to her depths.
Though she hardly recognized him, she felt a warmth beside him. So many oxymorons and contradictions were included in this paradox, and for once, she had no idea where this tunnel was leading.
She smiled.
She knew.
That unknown is what love is all about.
=-=-=
Docking out...
-Ryan : jam, groove, bounce
Ryan posted this at 6:26 AM.10.20.05
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Well, hello, helloo, helloooo.
Be sure to have that thing, my friend.
That thing that no one can take away from you.
It could be the way you hold your Dr. Pepper bottle.
It could be the way you stroll.
It could be the one thing that's got her tripping.
But if anything, let it be the power of your mind.
Ooh. That one was deep.
I swear, everyone does laundry at the same time.
I don't give my lab TA enough credit.
There is never enough Dr. Pepper to go around.
I've become quite the biker.
Speaking of bicycles, I've decided that for a SB side-job, I might just become a bike booster.
I have no idea what "current music" sounds like.
My musical know-how is stuck between 1940-2004.
I'm what would have made up PDA.
The P2P Downloaders Anonymous.
I met his fathers.
No, not his biological father and his step-father, but his fathers.
That's flippin' beautiful, man.
By the way, there's a freakin' twin for everyone I've ever known in San Diego going to Santa Barbara.
For instance, there's a Mr. Scherer and a Stephanie Bell up here.
I really lucked out by getting into FT.
I couldn't ask for a better place to be living in this year.
Besides beside "you know who".
And by "you know who" I mean Lisa.
Yeah, that's her.
I hear her voice as the cold winds blow, and the sweet music on my radio.
Have you seen her?
Tell me, have you seen her?
I realized why people become Xanga-, Myspace- and Facebook-whores.
Too much time on their hands, that's all.
Currently, I have about a combined total of $85 in spending money.
I've seriously read so many books here.
It's almost Ry-diculous.
So, should I get a wireless mouse or a wacom tablet?
Maybe both!
I haven't written or drawn anything in a long time.
I see her face everywhere I go, on the street and even at the picture show.
Have you seen her?
Tell me have you seen her?
Something to bounce to.
Yeah, I'm just really horrible when it comes to math.
I'd probably enjoy Urban more if I was going to actually be performing soon.
But the routines are fun.
Hey, you.
Get some rest.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I get a kick out of you
Ryan posted this at 3:35 PM.10.19.05
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
So I guess my friend got held up.
And not in a fun way.
I keep hoping that when people hail good news from my hometown that'd it'd about how they'd saved a bunch of money on their car insurance.
But alas, 'tis not the case.
Docking out...
-Ryan : how calm would you have been?
Ryan posted this at 3:44 PM.10.18.05
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
You know how sometimes people say, "I trust you about as far as I could toss you."?
Then the Olsen Twins and Lindsay Lohan must be pretty trustworthy.
At least 100 yards trustworthy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : does not equate
Ryan posted this at 1:36 PM. 10.16.05
Don't settle for the wanweird.
Maybe it's just me, but things have started to go slightly downhill ever since I left San Diego.
More power to all of my SD famjam.
It's all good.
Believe it.
For every up, there's a down.
Love to live, live to love.
Smile.
Even when you feel like you shouldn't.
Smiling naturally causes good-feeling endorphins to flow through your body.
The happier you are, the healthier you are.
Studies show that the optimistic have lengthier lives.
They also have fun along the way.
It's not the stress that'll kill you.
It's the dwelling.
It's all about perspective and also how you deal with it.
So deal with it the right way.
And if things don't work out the way you expected, then roll with the punches.
Bend but don't break.
Why heed to the pressure?
Why care so much?
It's not so much what others think about you.
It isn't what they call you, but what you answer to.
If you know you can, then rock out.
All good things will follow once you let them.
Don't let them smother you.
If you know something's wrong, do something about it.
Talk about it, yes.
But do something.
There's a reason why it's bothering you.
Why is it?
And communicate.
Even if you're not good at bringing things up.
Take it from me:
If it's at that point, it'll just get worse without care.
It works just the same.
Refuse to express a passion and it dies.
Keep yourself happy.
It's a far cry better than staying stagnant and keeping yourself locked within the harsh environment that surrounds you.
Break out of it.
Find for yourself all the strenghts that are still rising within yourself.
And it's okay to have so much.
'Cause if you knew it all...
what reason would you have to get out of bed?
Docking out...
-Ryan : song for a friend
Ryan posted this at 3:09 AM.10.16.05
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Correction:
There are 3 Ryan's.
I will still be known as the "bad" one.
And I'll still leave that up to you.
Cheers.
Docking out...
-Ryan : so, Oliver, don't be shy
Ryan posted this at 11:32 PM. 10.15.05
So, I guess I made Urban.
Groove with me.
I don't mind that my profile pics don't actually depict me in a visual sense.
I like drawing and I like being able to have that represent me.
Going back home this weekend and missing the first performance.
I need to cash my checks.
So there's been crazy ish going down in my hometown.
Gotta check up on everyone.
I need to start going to sleep earlier.
No one is here this weekend.
My floormates will beat your floormates' asses.
There's two Ryan's on the team.
I've decided that I'll be known as the "bad" one.
I'll let you figure that one out.
What's with this whole "poking" dealy on facebook?
And why can't my Palomar homies get one?
That ain't cool.
Those cats are badass.
How come people complain about Maxim and FHM but not Esquire?
Okay, I understand that Esquire is a little more classier, but still...
Maxim and FHM aren't porno perinphenalia.
They have good articles.
No, you are not weird.
But you might be.
It's a relative thing that is beset in the eye of the beholder.
Good people lead to good things and good times.
Midterms are just a new scary name for tests.
Labs take too long and it doesn't help that they're on Fridays.
If some cat almost ruined your life that badly, why would you go back to them?
No, they haven't changed.
Not in that timespan.
I need new music.
When in doubt, don't run.
Unless it's from an RA, apparently.
They say it works.
The novelty wears off quickly.
Did I mention that you're awesome?
I don't know when I started to run on so little memory.
Wax on, wax off.
Roll with the punches, man.
Into the fray.
I always forget to feed the puppies.
Docking out...
-Ryan : 2 wrongs don't make a wife
Ryan posted this at 3:57 AM.10.15.05
Saturday, October 15, 2005
The smartest people at work are the ones that are overly happy and peppy.
Because they could come to work drunk and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
Docking out...
-Ryan : not from experience
Ryan posted this at 7:10 PM. 10.14.05
It's all about perspective.
Like, for instance:
I'm now bang-less. But I'm not bang-less.
Huh? Huh??
Oh yeah.
Docking out...
-Ryan : severely pucktarded
Ryan posted this at 4:39 AM.10.14.05
Friday, October 14, 2005
I need something to draw.
And a better sleeping schedule.
Add a little dash of discipline too.
And top it with a dallop of focus.
But be sure to swipe the edges of all leftover laziness.
Docking out...
-Ryan : remember to turn your phone off in class
Ryan posted this at 11:40 AM.10.13.05
Thursday, October 13, 2005
It's all about perspective.
Like this for instance:
"She had a crack-baby."
-versus-
"She had a crack, baby."
Docking out...
-Ryan : Galifianakis
Ryan posted this at 11:23 AM.10.12.05
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Did you know that lazy people are obessessed with the productivity of others?
Yeah.
If I'm nowhere, am I everywhere at once?
Futons are never right.
Try to realize it's all within yourself.
No one else can make you change.
And to see you're really only very small and life flows on within you and without you.
The recommended dosage is usually nonsense.
Amphiboly, here we come!
Dood, this isn't the DLG.
Docking out...
-Ryan : is it supposed to look like that?
Ryan posted this at 3:48 PM.10.10.05
Monday, October 10, 2005
Let's forget we're running out of time.
Don't mind the yelling outside.
Why disrespect and make an ass out of yourself by lying about your character just because you're in college?
Drinking doesn't make you cool, making up stories about a girlie isn't cool and vomiting all over said girl's bed certainly isn't cool.
But I don't mind.
It's not the alcohol that's of concern.
It's the feeble-minded.
I just mind what you do afterwards.
Even if there's no one else, remember to love yourself.
Only the good die young?
Perhaps it's just the unlucky.
I know you've got something burning up inside.
I'll wear my suit for the shower.
Delicate like a nuclear blast.
Don't put the "hang"in change.
I've yet to meet Pirate and, Yarrr!, I really want to.
It's okay to not know.
If you knew, you might not get out of bed.
'Cause this life is a beautiful one, and though I've seen it coming undone, I know most definitely that its gonna be you and its gonna be me.
I'm smilin now just because.
How she easy come, how she easy go.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I'm catching my second-wind again
Ryan posted this at 10:55 PM.10.09.05
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Did you know that I'm a super-hero by night?
'Cause I am.
I go by "Ryan".
'Cause I'm not too clever.
Docking out...
-Ryan : No, two people aren't on fire
Ryan posted this at 6:14 PM.10.08.05
Saturday, October 08, 2005
So, I had this whole pre-conceived notion that college would be challenging and whatnot.
Perhaps, it's just the way that my schedule is, well... scheduled.
Or maybe it's just the classes I picked or perhaps it's the fact that the courses I'm taking are all pre-req.'s.
Maybe I should be thankful.
I'm talking to all these kids and their having a tough time with time management keeping up with their work.
Maybe it's just me, but it still feels like high school without attendance.
Without attendance.
That'll be the end of me.
And this partying dealy...
I'm over it.
I was over it a long time.
But the people up here are nice!
Nice and friendly.
And there's a lot of cats from SM and SD here too.
And we all live near one another!
Just the way I like it.
Like a waffle, with syrup in every square, butter and powdered sugar spread, and surrounded in whipped cream, like a fluffy crown.
That's what it's like.
Santa Barbara - A drinking town with a surfing problem.
Take Philosophy 3A for an easy "A".
Docking out...
-Ryan : as accessible as an access card
Ryan posted this at 4:04 PM.09.13.05
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
All anyone in this world does is keep busy.
That's what we're program to do- to keep busy.
You're working- you're keeping busy.
You're eating- you're keeping busy.
You're trying to escape a harsh and painful demise- you're keeping busy.
We go through schooling throughout the first third of our lives being busy just so that we can later be busy making money to busy ourselves with buying things that, in turn, keep us busy keeping them maintained or doted.
So I say that in opposition to this inherent, feral mentality that we do nothing.
You can't be busy if you're doing nothing.
It'd be a revolutionary act of our generation (and perhaps our last, but hey, it's worth it, bucko).
It'd be the chance for the youth of today to lay in accordance of a bigger issue- with %100 satisfaction, cooperation and unity.
Because keeping busy "surviving" is highly overrated.
Find yourself a spot and do nothing.
Docking out...
-Ryan : if you can find the one counter-argument to this whole thing in which I would not have a rebuttal or would have to agree with you, I'll give you a hug/handshake and buy you din-din
Ryan posted this at 7:43 PM.09.03.05
Saturday, September 03, 2005
"You are here to enable the world. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and acheivement. You are here to enrich the world."
Docking out...
-Ryan : bacterial flora
Ryan posted this at 4:37 PM.07.27.05
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Once, when I was very little, I received a paper-cut from opening a cardboard box.
The only option at the moment to quickly stop the bleeding was to suck the blood until it ceased to siphon out of the tiny visceration applied to my finger.
Blood taste yucky.
That's my manly "scar" story.
You only wish you were this bad.
Docking out...
-Ryan : ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-baaaad
Ryan posted this at 11:09 PM.07.01.05
Friday, July 01, 2005
You ever think about how we're all like puzzle pieces that mesh and fit well with only a certain number of pieces that, in turn, also mesh and fit well with other pieces and that together, we all make up a picture that is world, representing a diverse collection of colors, statements and personalities?
Yeah, me neither.
Docking out...
-Ryan : "this ruined puzzle is beige from the pieces all face down"
Ryan posted this at 11:51 AM.6.26.05
Monday, June 27, 2005
=-=-=
He awoke with a suffocating feeling of desolation.
What a horrible dream.
He was in solitaire- in adventive placement.
He found himself in unfamililar areas with foreign people that adulterated him with tranmontane influences.
With what little control he had in this world, he forced himself to wake up.
He wiped his furrowed brow, ridding it of sweat- the beads of aqua cooling his arm as it met with the cold midnight air.
He drove off, departed, not really knowing where he was going.
He only had one thing on his mind- to find a place of belonging, serenity and of familiarity.
A place where his control and comfort level were unequaled.
It was an empty weekday morning, and he arrived at his destination in haste.
He perched himself upon the bleachers that surveyed the field from which he recently graduated- the ceremony that started the slow disconnection from everything that he knew.
He no longer could call this place a home. He felt like a vandal, his very presence tainting the school.
He deeply felt he was violating the grounds- he shouldn't be here.
But he felt like he needed to- what was going to happen if anyone found him? Kick him out?
It could be no worse than the absence he was already feeling.
=-=-=
End Pt. I
Docking out...
-Ryan : ???
Ryan posted this at 3:29 AM.06.13.05
Monday, June 13, 2005
Happy Birthday, love!
And in honor of the girlfriend...
lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechy-
menokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphe-traganopterygon
...that is all one word (minus the hyphens).
Define it.
I'll give the monies!
Docking out...
-Ryan : that's an actual word- i didn't make it up or press random keys randomly. Word.
Ryan posted this at 4:06 PM.06.12.05
Sunday, June 12, 2005
What am I doing?
Docking out...
-Ryan : (insert anything here)
Ryan posted this at 4:26 PM.06.09.05
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I like how she wakes from her naps with her eyes closed.
A mystic smile upon a face.
As if she just had lunch with a group sages and learned the secrets of all that brings happiness.
Docking out...
Ryan : I realize that sometimes I appear to have horrible grammar but remember this: this is the internet, not a freakin' literature book
Ryan posted this at 10:34 PM.06.07.05
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
525,600.
I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define.
Docking out...
-Ryan : fin.
Ryan posted this at 11:49 AM.6.06.05
Monday, June 06, 2005
I fear it, but I must adhere to it...
If I want to keep in touch and keep tabs on everyone, I'm going to have to get...
a Myspace!
Oy...
Docking out...
-Ryan : Oy...
Ryan posted this at 1:14 PM.6.04.05
Saturday, June 04, 2005
In about three months, I shall be heading for Santa Barbara-
"A drinking town with a sailing problem."
Joy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : i hope you dance
Ryan posted this at 9:31 PM. 6.3.05 (cont'd.)
"And I don't want to speak these words 'cause I don't want to make things any worse."
Kind words from kind people.
I meant everything I wrote and/or said.
Thanks for the memories, everyone.
Docking out...
-Ryan: set adrift on memory bliss
Ryan posted this at 2:42 AM.6.3.05
Friday, June 03, 2005
I'm graduating.
Groovy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : it still hasn't hit
Ryan posted this at 4:51 PM.5.27.05
Thursday, May 26, 2005
"I want to save everything and preserve all this but also want it all gone-- can't decide what's more romantic, perservation or decay?"
Docking out...
-Ryan : fearful of the yearbook epidemic
Ryan posted this at 8:24 PM.5.25.05
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The absence of something is just as indicative and important as the presence of something.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I still have a day or two ahead of me
Ryan posted this at 3:18 PM.5.19.05
Thursday, May 19, 2005
If one makes two "funnies", do they in turn, "di jest"?
Hmmsha...
Docking out...
-Ryan : rye and mows
Ryan posted this at 5:53 PM.5.16.05
Monday, May 16, 2005
Sexy gorillas drive strippers crazy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : surprisingly retarded
Ryan posted this at 10:50 PM.5.01.05
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Contrary to popular beliefe, cleavage does not equal interest nor does it equal success.
P.S. False advertisement is wrong, ladies and gentelmen. WRONG.
Docking out...
-Ryan : scarred for life
Ryan posted this at 11:57 PM.4.20.05
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
At what point in a woman's pregnancy is it okay to ask if they're pregnant?
Or is it one of those things you never approach, for fear of [insert appropriate PC term] woman anger?
Didn't you get that memo?
All kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive.
But be careful.
The streets ain't no joker, man.
The sidewalks might get you first.
Mess around and find out juss how real it is.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances- if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Listen, I just wanna know you.
Know you like I know my garden.
What you smell like when you're blooming.
What lives underneath.
There's a funny concept.
A lot of you cats live, but you don't live.
To enjoy the flavor of life take big bites.
Live to the point of tears.
And if you're going through hell, keep going.
Its only one day. And please note...
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
A lot of us have past that magic moment.
The magic moment is that in which a 'yes' or a 'no' may change the whole of our existence.
But hey now, some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious ambiguity...
Mmm, mmm!
Docking out...
-Ryan : good to go
Ryan posted this at 4:42 PM.4.18.05
Monday, April 18, 2005
I am fairly agile.
I can bend and not break.
Or I can break and take it with a smile.
And I am so resilient. I recover quickly.
I'll convince you soon that I am fine.
Try to understand, there's an old mistake that fools will make and I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away.
But I will not bend, I will not break.
Docking out...
-Ryan : like a wall of diamond, son! DIAMOND!
Ryan posted this at 10:23 PM.4.14.05
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Watch me as I slowly fade to nothing.
I thought I would've been better prepared for it.
But I'm not, I guess.
Docking out...
-Ryan : going, going, gone!
Ryan posted this at 3:27 PM.4.06.05
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
I ain't no holla back girl.
Docking out...
-Ryan : you called me
Ryan posted this at 8:45 PM.04.05.05
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
"Lady, you need some band-aids."
Docking out...
-Ryan : "...and that's why I got a Saturn."
Ryan posted this at 9:41 PM.4.04.05
Monday, April 04, 2005
You sing, man. You sing your little heart out.
It's all good.
You roll with the punches.
Just watch out for that upper-cut.
I'm going to con you if I haven't already.
By the way, I totally understand when people are angry for a good reason.
So I could understand when people get upset over a college denial, especially one that they've been wanting to get into.
And I can comprehend what it feels like to hear that a college is missing something that you know you sent in.
And I empathize with those that put two and two together and realize that it's far too late at this point and despite forseeing that big fat letter of denial (because hey, they haven't accepted anyone in the past month and even late admissions is kind of closed) still fax that missing page of test scores over to the admissions office (who, by the way, claim sent a little reminder that you never even knew existed ever on the 14th of February) with a little inkling of "what if?" hope and optimism that was partly inspired because admissions counselor Shannon was ever so nice over the phone.
I totally do.
Totally.
I need a haircut.
Docking out...
-Ryan : and the coin-toss says...
Ryan posted this at 5:16 PM.03.24.05
Friday, March 25, 2005
I guess it's just that I do so much day in and day out.
Little things. Things that not everyone notices or is considerate of.
But I'm over that.
Or the fact that I have infrangible patience.
Say I'm lazy.
I'll just say you're over-booked.
Tell me I have no motivation.
I'll tell you that you don't know what you're working for.
Tell me that you're working so that you'll be rich and famous.
I'll tell you that I'm striving for personal nirvana.
You say, "Do something with your life."
I am. I'm just not rushing to sell mine off like the bulk of you.
Because I'm not Russian.
Yeah, I'm doing it backwards.
I always have.
Either that or it was different or early.
I was premature.
I was born with an ear-infection.
I didn't start talking until age 2.
I started doing arithematic at age 4. I was reading and writing short stories and poems by then too.
I'd memorize nursery rhymes after I'd memorize what 50 divided by 2 was.
I knew Santa was, in actuality, my parents with a name tag.
The stork didn't exist. Babies came out of bloody vaginas.
Then what happened?
Let's ask Bobby Valentino.
Sloooow down. I just want to get to know you.
That's what happened.
Sure, take your anger out on me.
Just don't let it get to the point where you can't control or deal with your own personal battles.
But I can deal with that.
Maybe, deep down, I really don't care.
Don't care about what happens to me or my future.
Or I care too much about what others around me need.
Let me tell you, I'm no politician.
Nor do I possess strong bravado.
But I know I can do this.
Its the only thing I'm good at.
There's just too much trust in the world.
Hate me.
I won't hate you.
Yeah, its one-sided like that.
Its like taking a test and getting the easy answers right, but forgetting the big trick questions.
Big trick questions like, "Where are you from?" and you answer your hometown when, in essence, all they wanted to hear was "earth".
I'm a smart-ass at times, but I'm not a smart ass.
Maybe I'll check into a mental asylum and get catered to for life.
I heard they're easy to get in to.
I could be diagnosed with harsh deprecation and maybe some foolish ideaology.
The world doesn't need prophets.
The world needs motivated and ambitious people who, for the most part, care more about doing something with their own lives than making a difference in the world.
People with big egos and narcissitic mentalities who strive for power over people rather than power over themselves.
I can't survive in this world of prestige and high honors.
I just don't care enough about those things.
But without this criteria, I'm a weak person in this society.
On top of that, I'm a weak soldier with old school weaponry.
Sure, life is short.
But its also long.
Scientists ask the artists, "What are you doing with your life? You're not curing cancer. You're not thinking of ways to expand life on earth or onto other planets?"
Yes, but they're expressing the beauties and intricacies of life with the sacred and wonderful tools of nature and the human mind, the human spirit.
They're extending life in other ways, within the soul of a person.
In they're hearts.
Through emotions, people do things that many still cannot explain.
And they're doing something that no scientist will ever create or concoct in the lab.
They're creating immortality.
Immortality in the way of everlasting prints of human vigor and memories.
While the methodical minded may be looking to improve the future, the sporadic are helping to maintain the balance of the now, reminding that modernity and antiquity were and still are mind-blowing facets of history.
Find the flaws. Its okay. There are flaws everywhere.
Its how you deal with them that's the real test.
You know what most of your problems are?
You guys dwell too much.
You dwell like its a fashion statement.
You dwell so much that you hurt yourselves and then hurt others around you.
If dwelling had to be a tangible thing, I'd say it'd be Oprah.
Because, oh, how you all love Oprah. You all wish you were Steadman.
America would go to war if thought Oprah commanded them to.
If the Bible was her favorite book of the month, you'd all read it.
If, on her "Favorite Things", she talked about adopting a little Indonesian boy from Guam that played the slide-whistle, you'd all adopt a little Indonesian boy from Guam that played the slide-whistle despite the fact that it doesn't make sense.
Oh, what's that? You have all that and you're still angry?
Wait, you didn't get your wha-? You need a wha-? Its not fair that blah-blah has a gah-gah?
Oh, I'm sorry, you deprived child. What a bastard you are.
And treat her with respect.
I've worked at this plant for so long... I'm a plant.
But I've grown an axe.
Guess what I'm going to do with it?
Not bust a Dahmer, I assure you.
Tell me, what'd you hope to learn about here?
Tip.
Care or don't care.
Holla.
Docking out...
-Ryan : wookie wookie lah, you conformed product of society
Ryan posted this at 12:36 AM.3.22.05
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
If I can't hear your heartbeat, you're too far away.
Docking out...
-Ryan : infinitesimal
Ryan posted this at 3:54 PM. 3.21.05
Prestige is a dangerous thing.
Docking out...
-Ryan : shiggity-shiggity-shwah!
Ryan posted this at 8:09 AM.3.15.04
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
=-=-=
Just outside of my peripheral vision, I could see him cautiously monitoring me. His head was directed toward the glasscase in front of him as he tried to show no interest in me.
A bead of sweat dripped down his left temple and flowed right into the brown pupil fixated at the corner of his eye.
It must be the beanie. Definitely the beanie.
Or the fact that I have my hand in my jacket, much like a person concealing a gun would have their hand in their jacket.
He yelps as the saline from his sweat penetrates his eye, causing a stinging sensation reminiscent of a beesting in the cornea.
I look up at him.
He stares at me with one eye open
Good one.
I sniff. I snarl. I snort.
The place didn't exactly have that Abercrombie and Fitch smell, but it certainly wasn't the headquarters for a diaper smuggling ring either.
I sneeze.
I sneeze right onto the glasscase in front of the clerk that's housing cheap little earrings and rings.
I give him the stare.
You know, the stare.
The stare that says, "Pleased to meet you. Your girlfriend is cheating on you."
I move on.
I perused much like any other shopper would.
An anxious shopper, actually.
An anxious shopper whose only release of stress was to get a rush from an event.
That event just happened to be stealing.
You could cut the tension in this room with a nuclear bomb.
I circle a case of necklaces.
He's trying to hide behind a bracelet case.
The bracelet case is made of glass.
It see-through.
Good one.
"Could you just steal something already?"
"Would it make you feel better?"
"Yes. Just take a couple of rings."
"I think I shall."
"Here. Take this. I'm going to call the police."
"And I'll be long gone by then."
"Good."
"Good."
He walks to the counter. He looks at me with puppy-dog eyes.
He picks up the phone.
"I'm calling now."
=-=-=
Docking out...
-Ryan : and that's how it happened
Ryan posted this at 9:11 PM.3.13.05
Sunday, March 13, 2005
In case you intrude upon my parade,
And glance at the smile upon my face.
Take note of the heavily veiled charade.
Cov'ring empty lands robbed of all their fates.
I can't distinguish from my own shed tears
Or the sound emitted from my laughter.
I have repressed all my inherent fears,
False fronts of a lover, not a fighter.
The best actors function not in movies.
They slump everyday without paychecks.
Walking open-wounds, forever bleeding.
Tactile spectres, reminiscing at best.
But in this world where walking zombies thrive.
I live once again, revived in your eyes.
Docking out...
-Ryan : Are Why In End? Em, Oh, Is He.
Ryan posted this at 10:57 PM.3.07.05
Monday, March 07, 2005
Never ride the road to Destiny on a bus.
I woke up and thought...
I quit.
Maybe you should too.
Docking out...
-Ryan : something
Ryan posted this at 10:36 PM.2.27.05
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Refuse to express a passion and it dies.
Docking out...
-Ryan : oogitty-boogitty-boo!
Ryan posted this at 11:01 PM.2.19.05
Saturday, February 19, 2005
"She's Always A Woman" by Billy Joel.
I always feel guilty.
She put it all in perspective.
And then she shattered it all with a just a few simple sentences.
Only they could make you feel empty
I'm a good _____.
On the application, I put "nothing".
She'd make a good politician.
Docking out...
-Ryan : all his life
Ryan posted this at 1:07 PM.2.14.05
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
If only I had stayed awake.
Count on me to be the only one in the world to do that.
I honestly don't know why and I will always question it.
Docking out...
-Ryan : .0000001
Ryan posted this at 5:08 AM.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
2.09.05
I think like a freakin' economist.
As long as you learned something, I'm good.
Give credit where credit is due.
Otherwise, take what you will.
Just don't run yourself over in the process.
You can only throw the ball at the wall so many times before it ricochets back into your face, rather than your hands.
Careful now.
Careful.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the usual
Ryan posted this at 5:48 PM.2.08.05
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
I don't do so well with commands.
You have to ask yourself...
Why do you let it effect you in that way?
Addiction, over-attachment.
I've never really known the extreme extent of it before.
People need to lounge out.
You used to wonder why you weren't scoring many points in the social realm?
Modesty and grace go a far way.
Do it for yourself.
=-=-=
College. This very thing has continually been hammered into this generation’s mind since elementary school. Being the youngest of three, I followed two older brothers who entered college, the products of a father and a mother who stressed the benefits and importance of an education. Family nights consisted of going over which colleges we were interested in, with an in-depth analysis and maybe a guest speaker or two. Growing up, I followed the path of a little college bound erudite- participating in GATE programs, taking honors courses. It was all I knew.
The advent of middle school coincided with the introduction of GEAR UP, a program that “guided” my class, preparing them for college. It wasn’t so much as guiding as an excuse to get out of class, get free pizza or constant nagging, but it was a good reminder. Consequently, this did nothing but reemphasize the importance of graduating and getting into a good college. I prided myself on every A I had gotten on tests and on report cards. I was happy, a top mind at my school, but something was missing.
Nowadays, college admissions are becoming more and more competitive. A 4.0 and a SAT score of 1200 aren’t what it used to be. Kids avidly follow the guidelines set forth by UC’s and privates, going beyond what is “recommended”. They take honors courses and AP classes by the dozen- but not because they enjoy the challenge or are genuinely interested in the subject at hand. Oh no- they take these classes because they feel that having these weighted classes will improve their GPAs, the HPs and APs on their transcripts giving them an edge over other applicants. They enroll in workshops that focus on the SATs in hopes that it will boost their scores over the 1500 range.
The majority of my fellow peers live in the exact same way. Most of them have no direction, no idea at all of what they want to do in the future. All they know is that they want to get into college- and not just any colleges, they’re aiming for “top tier” schools. Nothing wrong with that at all, except that they focus on these schools only for the prestige, not for what they offer. They’re only interested because all their lives, it seemed like the only thing to do, get into a respected college and get a good job.
Now, education is an important thing and I, by all means, support it. However, somewhere in the last decade, I think it’s worth, merit and meaning has become somewhat misconstrued. I was among the victims, but I’ve seen the light.
Freshman year of high school, it hit me with the force of a nuclear bomb. It wasn’t that I lacked motivation and enthusiasm- I had those. It was that these two things were driven by others- family, friends, teachers. I was doing a great injustice to my mind. I was doing nothing for myself, for my own pleasure. I decided to pursue education for the knowledge itself. I no longer played it safe by sticking the rules of high school education. Taking risks, my creativity flowed in art and writing, in labs and thinking.
It was a sudden surge of insight. A revelation. The floodgates had opened. The fat lady had sung. My mentality changed forever.
Too many students are constricted to a single path, clouded by burdens of getting into college. I’m tired of hearing parochial students in my classes complain that they don’t get it- mostly because they’re not sure how this particular method will ensure an A. I’m tired because if they just took the time to think about it, they’d see how it works. I’m annoyed by students who complain about kids having better GPAs than them because they take a majority of easier classes. I’m especially irritated by students who grovel for A’s and complain about the amount of work given in an honors or AP class- it’s their fault for taking the course.
College admissions are overrated. Kids crack under the pressure- it’s a win all or lose all situation for them and I hated seeing the disappointment in friend’s eyes when they didn’t get accepted to places like Stanford, Berkeley or Chapman- schools that interested them not for what they offered, but for their reputations.
It saddens me that my generation is a superficial product of others’ expectations. It hardly seems like anyone is doing anything for themselves. There’s more to life than getting the perfect job, with perfect pay and the perfect living- more things like individual happiness and personal achievement.
=-=-=
Docking out...
-Ryan : just beat it
Ryan posted this at 9:45 PM.2.07.05
Monday, February 07, 2005
Holy dayum.
Cocky aren't we?
That's no bueno.
Docking out...
-Ryan : would rather not
Ryan posted this at 5:13 PM.1.30.05
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Don't misconstrue attention as affection.
Love is giving someone the power to destroy but trusting them not to.
Mmmhmm.
Docking out...
-Ryan : here, there and almost everywhere
Ryan posted this at 9:10 PM.1.25.04
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Bridges are easier to burn than to erect.
Don't be so brash.
Docking out...
-Ryan : crossing that bridge, where lessons are learned
Ryan posted this at 10:12 PM.1.20.05
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight.
Be what you want- be your own patron.
I was never one to hold a grudge.
But I did, for what little time it was.
And I ended up where I always knew grudges would lead to...
Regret.
She's dead.
And I wasn't there to help him be strong.
And I haven't written anything good in a while.
I know you read this, though you're too proud to talk to me or even return attempts at communication.
Listen:
I'm still here for you.
I never break a promise.
Docking out...
-Ryan : taut or taught?
Ryan posted this at 9:45 PM.1.19.05
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
He commented, "The happiest place on Earth is on your chest."
Pig.
Creep.
Loser.
Perhaps he was referring to the large Disney insignia on her shirt?
Maybe that's just me.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the happiest goober on Earth
Ryan posted this at 10:58 PM.1.18.05
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
25/25?
Excellent MENSA candidate.
If I had a list of people that I respect, Randy Scherer and Bryan Fojtasek would be on it for sure.
P. Diddy would not.
Death is something that is inevitable.
Time management is key.
When you can see the situation from others' perspective - instant insight.
Don't speak. I know just what you're saying.
Unfortunately, I have no idea what I'm saying half the time.
If you think they I am incapable of thinking a coherent, intelligent thought...
Well, you thought correctly.
Wit or stupidity?
I vouch for the latter.
The Phantom of the Opera is there...
Psychic killed by train?
Premonitions not working for them, eh?
You may be worried about the fog, what it harbors and what might happen when you enter it.
Rest assured, the people are thinking the exact same thing on the other side.
"Question... it says here that you like to be alone?"
Docking out...
-Ryan : insiiiight your miiiiind
Ryan posted this at 10:04 PM.
