|
The OoOoWeE Insight And the world makes sense once again. 
|
Tuesday, December 21, 200412.21.04 (cont. cont.)
To the pranksters that put our decorative lawn reindeer in a "compromising" position:
Props.
Docking out...
-Ryan : ruminating over a Sr. prank
Ryan posted this at 11:47 PM. 12.21.04 (cont.)
All I "gots" to say "iz"...
"Biz" must be "kee-razy," man. All "da" "honeys" and the bling and all that "shizzit."
Sign me up.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the artist formerly known as "educated"
Ryan posted this at 11:27 PM. 12.21.04
You know when someone wants or needs to know something, and you know it?
So you tell them.
But then they don't believe you...
Until someone else comfirms it.
Someone like... an adult or someone they think knows all the answers?
But you had the answer?
Yeah.
Docking out...
-Ryan : fakir, not faker
Ryan posted this at 2:40 PM.12.20.04
Monday, December 20, 2004
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."
Happy Holidays, my friends.
Happy Holidays.
Docking out...
-Ryan : one trick ahead of disaster
Ryan posted this at 6:55 PM.12.6.04
Monday, December 06, 2004
The show went quite well.
Christmas is coming.
I can't afford it, but I want to get everyone presents.
I'm always good enough for everyone but myself.
Cheers.
Docking out...
-Ryan : missing in action
Ryan posted this at 7:31 PM.11.28.04
Sunday, November 28, 2004
I hit a new level of procrastination.
Hail to the king, baby.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I'm not only the President, I'm a member
Ryan posted this at 11:22 PM.11.9.04
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
She's got a way about her.
The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.
For years, right?
Straight out of a movie.
When two zeros become an eight.
Kim-face.
My ba-bay.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
I'm so glad that I found it once again.
Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
A personal essay prompt asked, "What is your greatest academic achievement?"
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If the writer isn't in tears, the reader won't be either.
The deepest waters run with the least noise.
Movin' on up!
Question: What is the white stuff in bird poop?
Answer: That is bird poop, too.
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
Docking out...
-Ryan : "Warning: Use of This Device Does Not Enable Wearer To Fly."
Ryan posted this at 7:17 PM.11.01.04
Monday, November 01, 2004
Redemption.
..but things tend to cycle.
Its all good.
Docking out...
-Ryan : uh-choir-ed
Ryan posted this at 8:30 PM.10.30.04
Sunday, October 31, 2004
So much control.
Decimation, and with an unknown reason.
Torn to shreds, I'm already apart.
Hidden behind a facade of myself.
All eyes on me.
And I turn.
I don't deserve the glance or the response.
I trespassed the line of savior.
If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would.
Docking out...
-Ryan : around the corner
Ryan posted this at 3:01 AM.10.28.04
Saturday, October 30, 2004
I've failed.
I have helped no one.
Not even myself.
My regards to the world.
Docking out...
-Ryan : I love
Ryan posted this at 5:45 PM.
Thursday, October 28, 200410.28.04
To Lisa:Hey there, beautiful.
Congratulate me, please, for I've only thought about you once today. A record, I believe. The only problem is I haven't stopped. And how could I stop? One couldn't possibly blame me. When you get the image of perfection in your head, it takes the impossible to chase it out. I could tell you how I feel about you night and day. Any part of you I could welcome to an hour long conversation or even a lecture. I could teach a whole course entirely devoted to you and the amazing emollience of your presence and the remedial extremities of your touch.There's a buoyancy in your personality, along with you step. Never have I seen a moving object that magnetically attracts the gaze of everything it passes by. You welcomingly float, like the breeze on a warm summer day, a welcoming sway that everyone nearby shares the luxury of. You know not the wonderous effects of your own soothing voice. Within the light decibles, I can easily sense a keen amount of care and easily find shelter in your speech. I could listen forever and had you happened to have homeschooled me all my life, I'm certain I would have had a much greater amount of focus and work ethic. And your smile. Your radiant, pacifying smile. All worries and thunderous storms circulating in my head cease when you turn in my direction and indulge me in those enchanting enamels. Your smile could deflect bullets, I'm sure.You're all that I see in a crowded room. Everyone else dissipates and disintegrates, 'cause having you here comforts me. There's an unsurpassed sense of peace whenever we're together. You've cleared my dusty eyes. Life looks so much better. You bring upon the emergence of the sun, avert the rain from falling upon you're sacred body and control the wind so that it blows gently against your face, your hair flowing in a sporadic manner, exposing the goddess.
Whenever I need reassurance, strength to carry on, or a pick-me-up, I know that all I need to do is look into your eyes.Look into your eyes and think the usual.Its all good.So long as I have you.
Love,
the boyfriend
Ryan posted this at 7:19 PM.10.27.04
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
I can't stop if you cant start.
Do you want to fall apart?
I could if you can try to fix what I've undone, 'cause I hate what I've become.
You know me. Or you think you do, you just don't seem to see.
I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define, so let's cause a scene. Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something.
Yeah, something.
I've just got to get myself over me.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the format
Ryan posted this at 7:37 PM.10.26.04
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
I love.
Docking out...
-Ryan : Kim-face
Ryan posted this at 7:41 AM.10.25.04
Monday, October 25, 2004
Evening. You wouldn't happen to have an aspirin would you? Or a hammer?
I knocked on my wall and surprisingly received a reply.
I juss might be concerned. I juss might. I don't know. You tell me.
I was expecting an echo, not an answer.
Shh. Quiet down. Wouldn't want them to hear that you're happy.
Careful now. We can't have them thinking you're being yourself.
You don't have to take risks if you know the outcome.
There are bruises in which you have no idea the origin.
Its possible to take without consequence.
I'd be pretty cool if I weren't so vehemently opposed to the idea.
Sake and sake. Not the same word, I assure you.
Listen. It might be the best thing you can do.
One day you'll wake up and look back. Did you live to be more than a number or a statistic?
The average highschooler will say yes when in reality they didn't.
Oh, they'll think they did.
But we'll know better.
Furthermore, why would you let something continually affect you in negative way when you yourself see that it is doing that to you and you even think that the situation is going nowhere?
Addiction, that's why.
Get over it.
I saw pigs fly.
Then again, I see a lot of things when I have my eyes closed.
Most people don't realize it yet, but they're worthy of a medal.
Forgive me if I care. Old habits are hard to break.
6 billion wouldn't be such a shocking number. Unless its 6 billion people murdering one another.Which, technically, is true.
Don't be a number.
It all works with the turn of the screw.
Docking out...
-Ryan : lived without a number
Ryan posted this at 1:05 AM.10.20.04
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
You know why I don't like about this year's english?
Scherer preaches what I already know.
But that's only part of it. But oh, how that's annoying.
However, his reiteration of this knowledge has brought up to focus something else that I've ignored for a long while.
People don't think.
And they should.
I really want them to.
And I've been trying to get them to for the last 5 years of my life.
And this year, the culmination of my highschool life, it juss seems like everything I've said has fallen on deaf ears.
At this point, my fellow peers have developed a sense of opinionated identity that they're going to carry with them for quite a number of years in the future.
One that's highly unshakable and will take so much to evolve even an inkling of.
I'd like to think that this is a grey issue but there's juss so much that I've noticed in people that's blasting it as a black and white thing.
You might be thinking to yourself: "Hey, you're sounding pretty opinionated too, Ryan."
True. I might be.
But its evidence versus evidence.
Thought versus thought.
I'm outside the building in the rain. You're waxed on the inside.
You may have a full house but I have a royal flush.
I'm willing to change my stances.
Some of you aren't.
It might not be the best thing.
But its better than what most people do.
Docking out...
-Ryan : he done fell off
Ryan posted this at 8:56 PM.10.17.04
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Silence is destruction.
Docking out...
-Ryan : still here, don't you worry
Ryan posted this at 11:28 AM.9.26.04
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Ryan (n.) - see "arcane"
You could try to read me, but I'm not easy to peruse.
But I assure you, I'm a good book.
A good book will make you second-guess everything except the book itself.
And you will wonder how you could have lived your entire life without knowing its story.
Tell me, is it impossible?
'Cause I am the master of the impossible.
They juss didn't understand.
They put too much emphasis on the story that it overshadowed the real reason of it all: how it made that person who they are today.
People are judgemental, its true.
But are those that focus on an image worth associating with?
To me, its worth helping them.
And I do.
I never understood it all until I recalled an old maxim, an old proverb, an old addage: "The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never getting caught."
How can you possibly not like The Killers?
Do you not have ears?
She asked me, "Why?" and I was dumbfounded to know that she didn't know the answer.
So, its no secret.
Its genuine and its real.
You worry when you're lost.
Juss wait until you're found.
She really doesn't know how wonderful she is.
I wish people could see things the way I do.
The world's a wonderful place.
=-=-=
He always was a night owl. However, tonight was an exception, his non-drowsiness blamed for a different reason.
There she was, right in front of him. Her subtle, serene aura seemed to seep into the ambiance of the room, affecting everyone but himself.
What was it about her? He couldn't tell you. He wasn't quite sure.
No, that was lie. He knew. He juss wasn't sure how to go about this one.
But what he was so intently sure about was that he wanted to lie closer to her, and whisper in her ear all that he was feeling, to hold her ever so closely and use the warmth shared between their bodies to make their blankets obsolete.
He used to be able to handle himself so well in similar situations, to make what he wanted to happen. He always dealt well in moments of pressure.
He had never been in such a predicament before. I mean, it was him!: Mr. Pimpbilities, Mr. Suave, Mr. Smooth Operator. At the moment, his fellow friends were sure to look at him with sad eyes, wondering what happen to The Great Wooer, The Destructor of Female Aversion. He was The Terminator to even what used to be known as the Unattainables.
But why now? Why was this any different? Why was he, for the first time since middle-school, feeling those butteflies flutter violently in his stomach?
As he hesitated for the eleventy-billionth time, she shifted herself, her blanket moving itself out of its covering arrangement.
She shivered from the sudden presence of the cool evening air and he affectionately ensnrouded her blanket about her in a warm embrace that he used as a conduit for the one he longingly wanted to give to her.
The moonlight shone through the nearby window and onto her face. Her fair skin shone more radiant than ever before and he gazed at her more intensely than he had ever done in the past. He had always thought she was beautiful, but it was as if she had been wearing a mask and the moonlight was, just now, acting as a blacklight, revealing the inner beauty within, her internal essence at this moment permeating her physiology.
He realized he was a little scared.
His respiration jumped, his knees weakened and he was taken aback, some more of him unbeknownstly amounting under her control.
As he listened to her soft breathing and watched her rest peacefully with a cute little smile upon her face, he realized why he had been so scared. The relationship that two shared at this very moment was a perfect friendship. He hoped that it could go on, that one day his feelings for her could come to a fruition and he would be able to call her his. But this one idea occured to him and it enlightened him:
If she makes him feel the way he does now, weak in the knees and beyond confused, she must really be something.
It was a good sign of the jubilancy that might occur in the future.
And suddenly, he felt a great release and before he knew it, he was sleeping peacefully, like a baby.
He knew that this one wasn't scripted.
It was being written as he went along.
=-=-=
Docking out...
-Ryan : like a layered onion
Ryan posted this at 3:34 PM.9.13.04
Monday, September 13, 2004
You ever hear a joke so many times you forget why its funny? And then suddenly one day, you rediscover its humor and you realized why you loved it in the first place?
Time is an illusion due to our inability to percieve everything all at once.
Church people drive too slow.
You may not have much but what you do have you have a lot of.
The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never getting caught.
No one really knows how I feel. They base assumptions off of the things I write or do.
But they don't know because I never tell them.
It's funny but one of the staples in my diet is not staples. This is the kind of irony that really dumb people enjoy.
I find myself so very... understimulated. Thus, I make it wild.
If not physically, then I'll do it in my head and that works juss as well.
You really shouldn't worry. We all have our problems.
I'm not a girl or anything, but I'm a sucker for anything acoustic.
I don't think I'll ever have a balanced lifestyle.
I'm a victim of etherealism, impermanency and intangibility.
How many times does He say, "I be He" in the Bible?
Dood, Jesus was gangsta.
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high.'
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
If the first button of one's coat is wrongly buttoned, all the rest will be crooked.
She reminds me that I'm Ryan Mose.
=-=-=
1. missing
2. jealousy
3. constant smiling
4. lonely nights
5. listening to sappy love song lyrics
6. relating to and feeling sappy love song lyrics
7. focus and attention on one
8. instant compromise
9. eyes, communication without words
10."You're happy, therefore I'm happy."
=-=-=
Is there anything lower than mute here?
Honestly.
Anything lower than beyond mute in period...
Scratch that one.
Like, hella.
Docking out...
-Ryan : or IS he?
Ryan posted this at 10:08 PM.9.12.04
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Demure ambition.
Docking out...
-Ryan : find me, please
Ryan posted this at 4:14 PM.9.05.04
Monday, September 06, 2004
You want some good advice?
Stay out of the ground.
Juss because someone has a sense of humor doesn't mean he's incapable of feeling jealousy, anger and betrayal.
I belong to a family of kleptomaniacs.
Well, my mom is, at least. Every time we go traveling, she claims she needs to get "souvenirs". Now, there are regular souvenirs that she'll pay for, but there are others that aren't exactly available, but if owned, would be pretty good reminders of where we went (i.e. towels, soap).
However, I remember one instance, when we went to the Phillipines and I was a wee-little boy. My mom wanted one souvenir in particular. It was a little Eva spoon from the airlines. And, go figure, she didn't want to be holding the specialty object herself.
Oh no! That was a special little job for my eldest brother, who was roughly... 14 at the time?
She won over his protests with, "Take it. Juss take it! Its fine. People take the airline stuff all the time."
And guess what happened?
He walked through the metal detector. And...
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
He hung his head down in shame and pointing, skewed out of his mouth, "It was my mom! My mom made me do it!"
People always complain about things and other people. However, rarely do they ever take the time to stop and ask, "Why is this thing/person making me react the way I do?"
The question shouldn't be directed at the actions of the annoying, but rather why one is allowing themselves to be annoyed in the first place.
Kids these days.
Out. Of. Control.
You cats need to lounge out.
And people need to stop dwelling in their sorrows. What's the point?
It happened, and unless you're sorting through it all to make yourself a better person, why replay the same stuff over and over, making yourself feel inferior and stupid. You have to accept that you can't change what went down or your decisions that led up to it.
Take it like a G, and don't repeat it.
Its not easy, but its possible.
But you know what's not possible?
Being away from her.
Even though it was only two days.
IN CANCUN.
Its juss not possible.
Speaking of Cancun, everyone down there wears thongs.
Everyone.
Including the steatopygic.
Not what you'd expect, for sure.
So the locals were cool and the other tourists were a bunch of fake ultracrepidarians.
Two days is not enough when you suffer from planomania.
There, those are your 3 words for the month.
Yes, I was talking about "cool", "bunch" and "enough". Smartass.
And there was reason to dance.
By the way, you look great today.
Commecialist can be rearranged to spell out microclimate.
You're welcome.
Doc king out. . .
Ry an: if he dies tommorow, blame the cooks at Cancun
Ryan posted this at 3:37 PM.9.2.04
Thursday, September 02, 2004
And there was reason to dance.
Docking out...
-Ryan : he's going through it too
Ryan posted this at 4:14 PM.8.24.04
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
I hope for your sake you don't wake up as lonely as I am.
I used to do so well with this whole separation thing but now, she could juss be across the room and I feel empty.
I don't like the depatures. If I had it my way, I wouldn't ever say goodbye, because it only makes it worse.
So I realized that I spent the whole first day of school with my fly down.
No, I don't study.
I also apologize if I happen to score better than you when the previous night, you got no sleep because you were studying and I slept happily, doing nothing and being a lazy bum (which is synonymous with my name, look it up).
I used to be a eccendentesiast, but you get over something like that quickly as soon as you find a good reason.
I don't believe you can speak frankly about pain until you're no longer enduring it.
You know what they say: if it doesn't kill you, you ain't dead.
Sometimes I juss cannot shut up.
Other times, I juss cannot bring myself to express myself in a debate when the other person in question is not thinking hard enough.
Maybe I juss don't want to give an impression that I am capable of thinking.
'Cause, you know... wouldn't want to lead anyone on.
That'd be a no-no.
There was this one cat that I'd always see in the hall and he'd always get in my way. He'd apologize and I'd always reply with a, "Its all good, my friend." One day, instead of the usual, he asked, "Am I really your friend?"
No, I was never afraid of the dark.
I was afraid of the potential things lurking in it and my imagination.
I'd like to act as if I were six years old all over again.
I once purposely relieved myself outside the school toilets in defiance of the "system" and their chastising me for sniffing the art I made with those scented markers. But hey, what did they expect? They were fruit scented! Fruit scented! If you don't want kids to sniff markers, make them smell like up-dog, not grapes.
Mmm... grapes.
Be yourself. Imitate no one. And certainly do not attempt to imitate me.
In fact, if you do, you'll lose my respect.
You're welcome.
Why do it that way? That's like taking the elevator rather than the stairs.
Its the little things.
Remember that.
Don't trip, potatoe chip. There's beauty in the breakdown.
Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Sweet dreams, my friend.
I've always ebbed and flowed.
Its inherent.
"Those of us with water in our personalities don't pick where we'll flow to. All we can do is flow where the landscape of our lives carries us."
And now, something I haven't done in a while 'cause I'm a goober.
=-=-=
I've never had this happen, to be constantly finding myself in a powerless position. My arms, my lips and my intellect all starve for her with an intensity unknown to me before.
Sometimes I'll look into those deep pools of brown hue that are her eyes and she will completely level and decimate me, making me feel beyond vulnerable, whether she knows it or not. There were those in the past that made me weak in the knees but she goes beyond that.
She paralyzes me, makes me nervous sometimes because her story rivals, if not surpasses, my own. She knows more about me than she lets on, knows more about me than she thinks. She, for whatever reason, has a commanding ambiance about her that constantly puts me in check, shuts off my "smoothness" button and sloths my thought process, bringing out the best of my insecurities, though I will not voice them. She constantly occupies all my thoughts and all known activities remind me of her broad versatility.
Its beyond infatuation, beyond being smitten.
Its respect and desideration and she, more than any other in the past, rightfully illuminates and graces that pedestal that I've affectionately placed her upon, despite her mentality to deny it.
And the fact that I've never been in this position of such extreme exposure, the point at which I seriously believe I could be easily broken, would lead one to consider that I have every reason and intention to want to break away, to harbor augmented amounts of vituperation, rancor and distrust over the force she wields over me.
But rather, on the contrary, it attracts and excites me.
I know that I need this one.
I need you.
Our whole relationship is worth it.
And I know its worth it because, and hold on, this going to get deep, but for the past few years I've been running on empty, regardless of whether anyone knew or not. And I've been having to carry this burden and various insecurities around but up until recently its been filling up, because of you. You have shown me at various times the value of my worth, given me identity. And I don't know why you've done that for me, but you have, and because of that I know that this is a good thing. And I'm sorry that I haven't exactly been as expressive as I should have.
And that's another thing. I mean, you've seen me.
At my best, I can be the most charming, smooth, cavalier and wittiest person, but I can't always be that way around you. And up until recently, I didn't know why. But I've said it before but I don't think I meant it as much but here it is: I didn't want to get with you, I wanted to be with you. Believe me, there's a major difference.
And also, I... I realized that I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid that I actually, really, truly, honestly like you more than I say, than I'll admit... more than I even know. The feelings that I have for you have put you in such high regard mentally that you're out of reach, out of my control.
And that's what I'm most fearful about: I have no control.
You've put me in such a vulnerable position, I'm powerless against you.
But I've never had that.
And I don't know what that says to you but to me, it says a lot. And because of that, I'm willing to take that chance of breaking the barriers I've built over the years for you, despite the emotional risks, because I know you're worth it. And if all fails, then at least know that I'm grateful for everything that you have done for me, whether you know or not and that I've never felt like this way before.
I mean, every girl after you will have a lot to work up to and I'd hate for them to have to be compromises.
=-=-=
Now where did that come from!?
Docking out...
-Ryan : it has been written
Ryan posted this at 10:28 PM.8.14.04
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Appreciate and acknowledge everything.
So often we are too involved in the big picture.
We overanalyze and makes thing more complicated than they need to be.
In doing so, we overlook the many intricacies in-between that could juss as easily change perspective on the ideal or task at hand.
A lot of times, our tangible thoughts are nothing more than contingencies, the minute pieces taken for granted.
Its the little bits and pieces that we push aside and many times its these little bits and pieces that are crucial.
Anything, no matter how minimal, accounts for something and has to the power to snowball into something gynormous.
Everything is layered and onioned.
Don't forget the details.
Its a dangerous thing to be living by focusing on what isn't there rather than what is.
And lounging out isn't such a bad idea either.
You're welcome.
Holy dayum, I'm a senior.
Docking out...
-Ryan : rapturous child
Ryan posted this at 5:03 PM.8.8.04
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Welcome to a "softer world".
The deepest waters run with little noise.
When I have the time, energy and money, I'm going to hook up a light system in my room that'll light up the room slowly when you open the door and I'll have speakers that do the angel choir "Aah-aah-aah!"
I have yet to wake up at a "normal" time.
I haven't been moving at a constant pace.
It kills me when I dissapoint.
I'm beginning to grow out of the lounged out summer mentality. Anyone else happy about that one?
I read fairly quickly.
I write juss as fast, think even faster.
I'll say something stupid in hopes that I won't say something smart.
It works.
He gave me a square look that said, "Run. And don't come back. You've always had your freedom, you juss didn't know it."
Every now and then I'll stop in the middle of a crowd, dazed by a feeling of longing and her name will continually repeat in my head.
Many times, the only answer I can give to people is: We are broken in different places.
One time, when I was little, I drew a river in the middle of the sidewalk with blue chalk. I leaped off my frontyard ledge into it, thinking I'd crash through the water.
I ended up with a few scrapes and bruises instead.
Every enjoyable portion of the spectrum has and is continually met.
We recover hastily. We're beyond good.
Ladies, please. False advertisement is not the answer.
Why are people so concerned with how much wood a woodchuck can chuck?
Why can't you leave the poor animal alone?!
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
Believe me, you spend a much larger part of your life being old, not young. The bulk of your ideals and rules will change along the way and the first things to go are the things you thought to be eternal and the new things to arrive are the things you thought were ethereal.
Summer's coming to an end. I acknowledge that I'm going to be a senior now but it still hasn't hit me yet.
If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside you wouldn't be able to sit down for two weeks.
You're welcome.
Docking out...
-Ryan : future senior
Ryan posted this at 7:01 PM.8.1.04
Monday, August 02, 2004
Forgive me if I care.
Docking out...
-Ryan : again and again
Ryan posted this at 1:28 PM.7.27.04
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I'll juss be like, "How's life?"
And some cats'll say, "Well, have you read my xanga?"
And I"ll be all like, "No."
Docking out...
-Ryan : enjoys good conversation
Ryan posted this at 10:59 AM.7.27.04
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Can we pull it off?
Docking out...
-Ryan : the one you love to love
Ryan posted this at 1:53 PM.7.23.04
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Did I say I was feeling like crapola?
Well, she makes everything better.
Just like that.
Docking out...
-Ryan : one day isn't enough
Ryan posted this at 9:34 AM.7.20.04
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Everyone's been feeling like crapola lately for unknown reasons.
And I'm no exception.
Docking out...
-Ryan : thinks its the warm weather
Ryan posted this at 11:47 PM. 7.19.04
Tell girls to stop hitting on me. Thanks.
I'm losing my touch.
I lounge out with the intellectual and the puerile. The verdict? Give me witty banter over aspirations of "getting laid" any day.
Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
Okay... what did they do to my beloved Jack-In-The-Box fries?!
The only thing that ends a good moment is realizing that the delight and jubilation cease at some point.
Don't reach that realization.
So much experience and yet, its not enough.
Sometimes I think I would have developed better if Elbert had not been so ambitious.
Its one thing to be confident. Its another thing to be infallible.
Don't juss show me the money. Give it to me.
If I get a dog, it'll be a corgi, for sure. Count on it.
That cat sported more gold than C3P0.
I juss made a Star Wars reference. Should I put up my shield now?
Those two remind me of the Simpson sisters. One's a spoiled brat and the other's a simple-minded dunce.
The most beautiful ones are nicest to me. It's the cute ones that are so vicious. They're the ones that feel like they have something to prove. What is there to worry about when you are beautiful? It’s easier to be beautiful to someone when you're beautiful.
Be beautiful.
I need to be put on that MTV show, "Wanna Come In?". Only then can I prove what I've been preaching to all these romantics with no ounce of confidence.
Pimpbilities, steez, mack: I've let them all go and it actually works better. Learn.
Its something of mine that I can put into yours.
The word was, "thought".
The kid wanted his two front teeth back for Christmas? Well, do I have news for him. You see, what happened was, the neighborhood bully made $2 off of him with aid from the magical Tooth-Fairy.
And you know what the Tooth-Fairy does with teeth, right?
She slangs them to the enamel-fiends, the plaque community. You see, that's how she makes her profit.
She's a tricky one, that Tooth-Fairy.
I'm wary about some cats that don't drink. I'm not talking about the ones that decided not to drink by choice, that's groovy, but the inhibited. How can I trust them if they can't trust themselves? They're the ones that you have to watch out for. You need to bring more than a shovel to dig up the depths of their past.
Perhaps the acrid, putrid scent of decay is the essence of that person's soul. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet and one dilapidated, decomposed substance is enough to total such fetor. And if it isn't a physical act that haunts but rather some mental barrier that continues to linger and prod, then the result is a brain-fart whose horrid scent is encapsulated within.
There will eventually be a time when they will have cures for all of our current, most deadly diseases and I can't help but think they'll look back one day with pity at me, I being one of the martyrs for the human race.
One thing I've discovered is that if you keep your mouth shut, people are apt to believe you know everything, and they begin to feel compelled to tell you anything, anxious to show that they know something, too.
I'm going to have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I'll lock any three in a random order and memorize it. My logic? Well, no matter how long somebody stands there picking locks, they'll always be locking three of the six.
Remember, its not what they call you but what you answer to.
In the darkest of times, its easier to see stars.
Please, don't do that thing. The thing where you attract my gaze with your own and I know exactly what you're thinking. The thing where your cheek, neck or chin attracts the loving attention of my hand. The thing where I suddenly ache at the recycled realization of how inviting your lips are, wanting to be enshrouded and vestured within those emollient, wet draperies of pink.
Please?
Docking out...
-Ryan : lost it or juss recently found it?
Ryan posted this at 3:20 AM.7.16.04
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Dear Future,
Bring it.
With love,
Ryan
Docking out...
-Ryan : enlightened
Ryan posted this at 10:54 PM.7.15.04
Friday, July 16, 2004
"And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone,
Or anyone at all, or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave,
The refuge that you've built to flee,
The places that you've come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most."
Ironic how in trying to distance myself, making a ballast of autonomy and ceasing from letting them get even an inkling of my various intricacies, I've attracted the friendships and admiration of many.
Its as if I juss cannot accept it. I go out of my way to find a flaw for them to expose and if there isn't one there, I'll create one as a test and yet they still stick around.
I'm content with what I have but I juss cannot comprehend what makes me so endearing. I understand my faults and my various beneficial traits but something deters me from seeing my own self worth. You could try to shower me with compliments, lies or the truth, but it will all amount to nothing.
Someone once told me, "When we are given gifts, we are obliged to make the world a better place. No matter how reluctant you are, you have no choice but to shine." I can easily see the merit, value and potential in everyone else.
Why can't I see my own worth?
I'm luminous when I don't want to be.
I'm the firefly that wants to be a maggot.
I think in my various missions helping people find the best of themselves I've been secretly trying to find my own identity.
Perhaps its that I'm scared, afraid that I really am not worth it. I'm scared of pain, failure and wasting myself. I've almost always gotten my way and I'm not yet used to being told otherwise.
So instead of leaving potential flaws up for discovery or entering scenarios in which I'm the victim, I create them so that I can control them. I have so much control over myself and my surroundings that I scare myself.
Looking back, I've almost always put myself in positions and situations that protectively swayed in my favor. I've realized that I've always docked out before things were even given the chance to fling themselves in a bad direction. I set such low standards so that I don't end up dissapointing myself.
Its healthy to be happy with everything.
Its unhealthy to be happy with everything but yourself.
Many people have attempted to break me in the past but failed, even if I had wanted them to.
I can't even break myself because I've been avoiding all my life all that was fragile or could induce frailty.
Got angst?
Docking out...
-Ryan : not bad, not bad at all
Ryan posted this at 12:55 AM.7.15.04
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Enough about me. How's life?
Docking out...
-Ryan : with an R, not a W
Ryan posted this at 12:21 AM.7.14.04
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Meiyo. Spread the word.
I want a top-knot. Thanks.
Hey, you. Remember when you had a crush on me?
You know, watching the sunrise never gets old.
Never.
My sleeping pattern is beyond discombombulated.
I've been doing a lot of a little.
Ants = Me? It makes sense if you think about it.
A lot.
Ravi, I acknowledge it, for sure, but that doesn't mean that I like it.
I'd like to think, that with me, it only gets better.
I also like to think the best of me is hiding somewhere up my sleeve.
There was time when I juss didn't care.
That time shouldn't be now.
My mom TRAPPED a bird in the garage earlier and she didn't want to let it get away. She hoped to tame the feral beast and domesticate it to her likings. When she wasn't looking, I freed the suckaaa.
I am such a rebel.
Speaking of mothers and fathers... congrats Boogie.
Holy damn. I'm doing it again. I hate it.
I really do.
Why does this always happen? This is by far one of the best, but its happening again.
She's worth it. I know she is.
I am one complicated kid.
Hmmsha... would you rather get vomit in a bag for Christmas or nothing at all?
Didn't think so.
I've decided that Gummi bears are the most awesome-o candy edibles out there. They're so badass that they got a Disney cartoon about them.
Although, they weren't very gummi. They were very animated and vestured. Drinking made them bouncy.
Sound familiar?
Didn't think so.
A recreant, I am not.
These cats think they know everything. You know nothing and I'll say it to your face.
It goes like this: liking, endearment, admiring, infatuation, digging, smite, desideration, adoration, loving. If you're at that stage of adoration, I'd take a bullet for you.
AP exams?
I passed them all. Thanks.
I'm so awesome-o, I should be illegal.
Illegal in more than 49 states, that is.
I've said it before and I'm saying it again: Its not about what happened or what's going to happen (to a degree) but rather, what's happening right now. What's the point of living if you're of no benefit to anyone or at the very least, a benefit to yourself?
Live it OoOoWeE, suckaaa. Otherwise, I'll have someone punch me in the face.
And you wouldn't want that, now would you?
Docking out...
-Ryan : doesn't get it
Ryan posted this at 4:34 AM.7.13.04
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Its 2:45 in the afternoon and I have a pencil dislodged in my head.
Don't ask.
Don't even call for help.
Juss point and stare like everyone else.
Docking out...
-Ryan : goes together with pencils like staples and watermelon
Ryan posted this at 2:46 PM. 7.12.04
You know those moments when you can look at somebody, nod and then say to yourself "exactly" because you're both on the same wavelength, thinking the same thing?
Groovy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : an old favorite
Ryan posted this at 1:43 AM."I catalog these steps now
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Decisive and intentioned
Precise a pattern specifically to yours
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours
I'm careful not to wake you
Fearing conversation
It's better just to hold you
And keep you pacified
I'm talented with reason
I cover all the angles
I can fail before I ever try
Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away so
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)
I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine
Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away so
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)
Wont you hold me now
Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you
Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you, to you
And try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
So wont you hold me now?
Wont you hold me now?
Now, now, now, now, now "
Ryan posted this at 3:30 PM.7.9.04
Friday, July 09, 2004
Guess who needs a haircut?
Yeah, that'd be me.
Like, hella.
You might have already known this, but I know certain events that'll happen in the future.
No, not juss predicting the future. Anyone can do that given enough information.
But actually know the future.
Although, I have no control over it.
I get epiphanies and mad deja vu.
Mad deja vu.
Went to my Ninong's retirement ceremony and met some beautiful people that I am not related to.
Good chicken.
Sorry Wu Child, they were not KFC BBQ Chicken wings.
I owned Phan in Monopoly the other day and he owned me in it yesterday.
What's going to happen next?
No, I did not have a clairvoyant premonition of that outcome.
Smartass.
My doctor likes to play a little game called "You Have Cancer!"
Supposedley, I am the most proportionable male in terms of book-smart and street-smart.
I dream about her.
Then I sit in bed, an hour before I sleep and an hour after I wake thinking about her.
Like, hella.
I look good in a suit and tie.
But I don't want to get used to it.
Beware all corporations that require a change of wardrobe.
Remember kids: its not about what happened or what's going to happen but rather, what's happening right now.
Its about honesty and confidence. Charm and wit are secondary tools.
Make you sure you do things based on certainty and best interest, not insecurity and ideals.
Control yourself and you can control that which is around you.
Flow like water.
Speaking of water...
It rained for about 2 seconds today.
I miss her.
Docking out...
-Ryan: learned
Ryan posted this at 7:13 PM.7.7.04.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
It felt weird today when Phan asked me what I was doing today and she wasn't included in any of my plans.
It took that long for it to hit me.
She's in Japan.
And she won't be back until the 20th.
Its not that long you say?
Its all relative.
Strange, I used to be able to hold out for weeks on end, even a month.
But this one's different.
Francine xangas as much as I don't blog.
Emily, don't come in here acting all gangstb when you know I'm a better MC than you.
Hands down. It was pre-determined. Its already been decided. Its fate, destiny.
Judges say... yes.
Cheesecake ice cream with cherries from ColdStone = Mmm, mmm!
Can you say, "scrumptiliumptious!?"
A "I Love It" cheesecake ice cream with cherries from ColdStone says you can't.
Now don't make bets you can't own up to.
Speaking of bets, I owned at Hold 'Em.
Again.
And speaking of poker, the new season of World Tour started but they're playing 7-Card Stud instead.
$5 says... no, one "I Love It" cheesecake ice cream with cherries from ColdStone says that everyone will start playing that juss like everyone started playing Hold 'Em.
And speaking of $5, I also owned in Monopoly today.
And not juss any Monopoly, my friend.
Disney Monopoly, suckaaa.
Don't underestimate Pinnochio.
He'll coldcock ya'.
On a lighter note, I met Li'l Rob's cousin.
No, she is not a chola (or however you spell it).
And I met Miss Teen Vista.
She has her own day.
Her own day!
Actually, I've known her for a while.
A long while.
As in... circa 3rd grade.
Mmmhmm.
Not a bad poker player.
Not at all.
But I still whomped on her, don't you worry.
But then again, she read all of my text messages.
All of them.
And then it made me think about you some more.
Why didn't Pat take me with him?!
WHY?!
...
What's been popping?
Not much, juss being me.
And you couldn't ask for more, now could you?
Unless you're the Wu Child, who craves KFC BBQ Chicken Wings.
But I don't have KFC BBQ Chicken Wings.
You'll juss have to deal with it.
Speaking of the Wu Child, he received a random belated-birfday present.
Who gave it to him?
Was it you?
Oh, I'll find out.
I always find out.
I am champion, I tell ya'.
Champion.
Docking out...
-Ryan : nomadic sage (or as Ravi likes to say: Tourist Teacher)
--> if you remember what these cats were called in Greece, you get a cookie
Ryan posted this at 4:06 AM.7.4.04
Monday, July 05, 2004
I wouldn't say that we're what you call normal.
But I wouldn't want it any other way.
Docking out...
-Ryan : eremophobia victim for the next two weeks
Ryan posted this at 12:56 PM.7.1.04
Thursday, July 01, 2004
If you could juss leave me random phrases or lyrics either in the chatterbox or on the comments, that'd be great.
I feel like doing some works based off of random lines to relieve my boredom.
Much appreciated.
Writings = linked.
Hopefully that particulary archive will compensate for my lack of updating.
Enjoy.
Sometimes when you lose, you win.
Docking out...
-Ryan : champion
Ryan posted this at 2:35 PM.6.26.04
Saturday, June 26, 2004
I had long bangs.
Docking out...
-Ryan : sesquipedalian
Ryan posted this at 1:00 PM.6.25.04
Friday, June 25, 2004
I have long bangs.
Docking out...
-Ryan : pauciloquent
Ryan posted this at 8:20 PM.6.16.04
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
It seems to me, that everybody agrees, that I'm too blind to see, I'm a total mystery.
Whoa there... that's a two-line rhyme with subs.
But thats besides the point. Here's the deal: by reading this you are entitled to 3 free questions.
And I will answer those 3 questions.
And that's your reward.
There's one good thing about being sick.
People want you to get better.
I know I've said it before.
But I'm saying it again.
Get over it.
If anybody ever tells you that you're one in a million, just realize that means there are 100 people just like you in China.
Its all about perspective.
It really is.
For instance...
Would you rather live like today was your last day or would you rather live treating people as if they were having their last day?
Its a very simple question of selfishness and selflessnes cleverly cloaked in such a way that its cynicism doesn't show.
You can want both, and you can certainly attempt it. But the truth is, its a very difficult thing to attain, to live by, mixing the two into your mentality.
Are you one to suck the marrow out of life or to give up marrow for life?
By all means, you can have a balance of the two.
But that isn't really answering the question, now is it?
Some say I have too many shoulders for people to lean on?
Well, if that's the case, what difference does it make if I have another, yeah?
Don't ever think that you or anyone will be too much of a burden for me. You're comfort and happiness are worth the weight, especially in the long run. If you're having trouble or juss need someone to talk to, I'm here if you need me.
Don't let anything stop you.
What took us so long?
It was juss different.
I didn't want to get with you.
I wanted to be with you.
You're its new owner. Keep it safe.
By the way, I realized I can't go a day without hearing your voice.
Docking out...
-Ryan : ish-ka-bibble
Ryan posted this at 11:37 PM.6.15.04
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
I did it!
I did it!
I did it!
I did it!
I UPDATED!
Docking out...
-Ryan : he did it
Ryan posted this at 3:09 PM.6.6.04
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Juss as I'm falling down, she somehow picks me up.
I have a million reasons to say, "Yes."
And I feel like she has a million reasons to say, "No."
I don't see what she sees in me.
But I dig it.
I dig us.
Another reason to say, "Its all good."
Thank you for making me beyond happy.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the human shovel
Ryan posted this at 10:13 PM.6.5.04
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Happy B-Dizzle to my big bro!
The big 20+2!
That's 17 years, Reg.
17 years of...
torment?
But I can't complain.
He taught me charientism, made me into a semi-maledicent and taught me the art of quomodocunquize.
Even though he might not know it.
I feel like I'm signing a yearbook.
It really is the end of the year.
It was fun, my friends.
No doubt next year will be better.
Docking out...
-Ryan : one kind act makes you benevolent, ten suddenly makes you a moron
Ryan posted this at 6:07 PM.6.03.04
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Okay...
Who am I going to have to shank?
Smile, Mon!
I'm filipino.
And I eat with my hands.
Oh, I'll use utensils, no doubt.
But I'll also eat with my hands.
Is that so wrong?
Don't worry. I wash my hands.
I'm a clean boy.
Well, for something is supposedley good at finding things, it wasn't very helpful in helping me find something.
I even asked nicely.
Cool?
I don't think so.
Classy?
Now that I could work with.
Hey now, I don't giggle.
I chortle.
We're so funny.
Somebody once asked me, "Ryan, why do you do it? You can't help them all. It doesn't matter, you're not making much of a difference."
True, I can't help them all and I'm not making much of a difference.
But you know what, I am making a difference, no matter how small.
And for those few that I help out, it means wonders.
To them and myself.
10 days!
Serendipity and cheesecake are on the way.
I like watching you rest. Even if its juss for the duration of 30 seconds.
You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste.
Never give stupid people choices. It paralyzes them.
I juss realized how much time I waste thinking.
Then again, maybe it really isn't a waste.
I felt like watching Memento today.
But my brother has it.
In Utah.
When was the last time I wrote a short story or a poem?
I think I shall start again soon.
Ruminating ain't so bad.
I asked Time if it could be a good sport, do me a small favor and stop progressing forward.
Request denied.
Docking out...
-Ryan : %15 sane, %36 creative, %29 OoOoWeE, %35 loveable, %100 non-mathematical
Ryan posted this at 9:06 PM.5.29.04
Sunday, May 30, 2004
I'm Ryan Mose.
And my personality shines.
You know, I never noticed how thexy my shadow is.
I'd hit that.
I've always done well with people.
Even when I was little, the neighborhood kid's imaginary friends would come play with me instead.
I found out this weekend that I like diving.
Whether it be to catching a frisbee out of reach, hitting a volleyball that is about to give a point to the other team or juss because I feel like being on the ground.
I like diving.
Speaking of volleyball...
Juss call me Ace.
Holla at this volla!
That is such a groovy song. I refuse to believe it was done by him.
Whenever people ask me if I've lost my mind, the first thing that I think about is, "not all at once. It was a gradual process."
People talk about "the straw that broke the camel's back", but why were you putting that much straw on a camel? Why put any straw on a camel?
What am I missing here?
Hmmsha... I'm one cat that you really don't want cloned.
Clinomania is not my friend, but its starting to crawl its way back into my life.
And juss for the record: I won.
Twice.
I had my first osculant encounter in a long time.
Thank you.
If I could have, I would have stayed with you like that all night long, but you had work tommorow and I didn't want you to get in more trouble than you might have been in.
[preterpluperfect]...
I really only think of you on two occasions.
That's day and night.
Random Adventures:
1)At Jack-In-The-Box we met an interesting fellow who worked there. Lets call him Randy, 'cause that's what his name was. I don't know why, but he juss started talking to all of us. No doubt this cat was down, it'd be fun to juss talk to him every now and then, but I know for certain I wouldn't lounge out with him on a daily basis if he were our age. What I gathered from the conversation was that he never went to college, was lonely, and wished he could go back to the old days. Granted, he never talked about these things because he was too busy busting a groove with Darren, talking about the gangs where he used to live, and mopping the floor.
2)I owned in Hold 'Em. Thank you.
Holy dayum, did I really give her my middle name?
Docking out...
-Ryan : the best part of waking up
Ryan posted this at 3:20 PM.5.27.04
Thursday, May 27, 2004
I'm going to make this post long.
Long.
In hopes that it compensates for lack of updating. =)
And can we all say...
HAPPY BIRFDAY! HAPPY B-DIZZLE! HAPPY 10+7!
to...
THE DAR-REN AND CHESKI!
Well I hope you two had the grooviest of days.
Yes, that is the same Cheski that owes me a oh-so-delicious-that-it-should-be-illegal cheesecake!
So, my friends, the end of the year is burgeoning.
I'm both relieved and saddened.
True, no more work and no more highschool drama.
However, the seniors are graduating and half the "underclassmen" are going to Mission next year.
I'll miss you all, no doubt. But hey, we're going to stay in touch.
Count on it.
Speaking of Mission Hills, I seriously don't like how they're the Grizzlies.
They should have juss listened to me and have been the Mission Hill Bovines. The mascot could have been a milkman and their arenas could have been called the "Slaughterhouses."
Was that too much to ask?
By the way, I made Co-Captain.
And I lowered my cholesterol.
For the record, "P." is my middle name, ok?
I know he has good intentions, he's a good guy, but does he not ruminate over the potential results of his actions ahead of time?
But maybe coming from me, Mr. Ry-Diculously aware, that's too much to ask.
Listening to Sterling's stories makes me want them to have "Critical Thought" as a course again.
And it also makes me wish Franklin wasn't retiring yet.
Respect: its relative.
People have to learn how to roll with the punches and work with what was dealt to you.
Change isn't always a bad thing either.
No matter how far, run for all you're worth.
Its sad to know a person who suffers from lalochezia. I frown knowing that they don't have a better way in which to handle things.
So I proved my point. Although, I was the only know who actually knows what that point was.
Hey, if you're a sexy, albeit, scandalous girlie, could you do me a favor? Next time you're at a party and some sleazy cat is trying to get with you, give him that oh-so-sexy stare and inquire, "Could I ask you a question?"
To which he'll reply, "Bust it!" thinking he's gotten some leverage on you.
That's when you bust out the Trivial Pursuit card and ask him the question and if he doesn't get it, throw the card at him and walk away because you're too good for him.
And then you can tell me alllll about it. =)
Random Adventures:
1)My friends and I get into deep conversations every now and then. Very deep. We had such a conversation on our way back home one day. So we're driving along and we look up. Hmmsha... I've never seen that before, an abandoned highway that's crumbling apart. Looking in its general direction alone made the aged edifice quiver and crackle. Somehow, we found ourselves in Mira Mesa. A part of Mira Mesa I've never been to before. Let me reiterate... a part of Mira Mesa I've never been to before. Luckily, we had plenty of gas to backtrack.
2)I've never been one to go to a neighbor when in need of sugar, and I sure didn't expect anyone else in my neighborhood to do so either. However, I was proven wrong when an lady showed up to my door one day with a Paloma sports bottle asking for ice. It wouldn't have been so strange had the lady not looked like the mama from The Goonies, or the fact that she looked like she was about to cast a hex on me and rob me of all my goodies. Granted, I've also never seen her in my life. What did I learn? You can fit a lot of ice in a Paloma sports bottle.
3)After a specific R&B and Hip Hop concert, I joined my friends in waiting for the entertaining entourage to exit the arena so that we could all get autographs. It was all good until Mr. Combs entered my peripheral vision. So what did I do? Oh nothing, I juss jumped past the set up fence and ran up to the cat formerly known as Puff Daddy. And did you know what I did with my pen and my pad? I cold-cocked P. Diddy right in the face. Specifically in the right temple. And then I comboed straight into a left-handed uppercut on the chin, ending my physical assault with a physical recumbentibus. The crowd cheered and I docked out before his bodyguards could catch me.
4)I was singing one evening with the window open and I suddenly heard, "Its beautiful and everything, but its 12-fucking-45, Pavorotti!" So I stopped.
Ok, so the third one didn't happen, but its a re-occuring dream I have.
I want a happy ending.
I really do.
Docking out...
-Ryan : comes straight out of a movie
Ryan posted this at 11:50 PM.5.21.04
Saturday, May 22, 2004
I'm not more than you need, juss more than you're used to.
And no, I'm not number 1.
I'm number 1, 2, 3, 4 AND 5!
You ever noticed you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
So for the last couple days I've been trying to make dolphin noises, and for the first time I'm realizing how difficult this actually is.
It really has been a long while since I've seen Battle Royale and Volcano High.
I have good smelling soap.
We're sharing the drink they call loneliness, but its better than drinking alone.
Ryan, what is wrong with you?
We put so much emphasis on physical beauty that we're afraid to be affected by one of these girl's inner beauty.
Men have this anti-intimacy shield around them that is powered by sarcasm, humor and aversion.
Its a self-preservation thing, you see.
Franklin's retiring and I hate to see him go.
So, I'm on the ballot. Vote for me, I guess. A lot of nominees will say how they're just excited to be in the company of so many other great people.
That's a lie.
Nobody feels that way. I'm funnier than they are and I hear that many of them have said some very unkind things about your mother.
Seriously.
I was doing some things. After a while I decided to stop doing them and take a short break. At the end of the break I started doing the things again.
I haven't been witty lately.
I've been stupid.
But not witty.
If you want witty, look in the archives. The last 2 months haven't really been overly hilarious.
One of these days I'm going to find all my stories and link them so that you cats won't have to continue searching for them.
Random Adventures:
1)At In-N-Out, I exit the bathroom to find that my order has already been called. I go up to the counter and notice there's about fifty-leven other orders already waiting to be picked up. It juss so happens that on that day the lovely girl was working. I asked her which order was mine in which she in turn questioned, "what's your number?"
I juss looked at her with a smile and wink, then pointed and said, "but I've only juss met you!"
2)Our field-trip to the L.A. County Museum of Art experienced a slight detour as the L.A. Country Museum of Art is closed on Wednesdays. Way to plan. We instead went to the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena where another rival school's "homies" tried to "dog" us in their preppy clothing while the girls all swooned and giggled while giving us violating, lustrous glances and stares.
Thank you for reading, suckaaa.
"I'm going to take my dreams and put them in a jar atop my 'fridge. That way, one day, when I have the munchies and I'm looking all over the place for some grub, I'll find it and it'll remind me of what I originally hungered for. When you're that deprived, you think of things on a broader level. That'll cure your damn apathy."
Docking out...
-Ryan : [insert witty notion here]
Ryan posted this at 1:28 AM.5.19.04
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Sometimes its easy and sometimes its not.
But it progresses, nonetheless.
They're always looking for the fallacy, for the flaw.
They're looking for that one stray piece of string that they hope will unravel the wall if they constantly tug on it.
I'm not really stuck here.
I juss haven't realized it yet.
Realize the bad and use it to appreciate the good.
Dig it.
...You know, she really has no idea how wonderful she is.
Docking out...
-Ryan : AKA "Ice Man"
Ryan posted this at 11:40 PM.5.15.04
Sunday, May 16, 2004
What was I doing up until 8 in the morning?
Waiting for my phone to be done charging.
So that I could check up.
And thinking.
Thinking about you, actually.
Hoping you were okay.
Docking out...
-Ryan : coming to a place near you
Ryan posted this at 1:15 AM.5/11/04
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Ryan is a:
"a right eye dominant pretty cool artist who hopes to rule the world w/ his soothing touch, flight powers and time stopping."
Sounds like me to me.
You. Yes, you. I'm sorry.
I strive not to become juss a statistic.
I still don't have my cheesecake. Un-OoOoWeE, indeedy.
Juss a quick note: do not wear a skirt if it does not accentuate the curve of your hips. Otherwise, its disastrously unattractive.
Note 2: Why, oh why, would you even consider making photon sounds while using the urinal?
You know, you have to have gone there in order to come back.
Don't dwell in the past, yesterday is history. Don't be anxious of the future, tommorow's unknown. However, cherish today, its a gift. That's why we call it the present.
Don't vote for the best candidate but rather the one that'll do the least amount of damage.
You might as well agree with me because I know what I'm talking about.
Most of the time.
And by that I mean the duration of time in which I'm not wrong.
Random adventures of the past two days:
1) Waiting afterschool, a random stranger comes up, pulls out a loosey and asks, "Hey, do you smoke?" To which I replied with an inquisitive look, "Only if I'm on fire, thank you."
2) While checking the mail at 10:45 in the evening, I run into a man doing the same. We get to talking and I mention how I dance. He offers to pay me to teach his daughter, who is somewhere around my age and is fi-i-i-iiine!
"I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts....but I can't stop eating peanuts." - Orson Welles
Docking out...
-Ryan : lounged out like you oughtta be
Ryan posted this at 11:36 PM.5/9/04
Sunday, May 09, 2004
I think my problem is that I become a friend.
A really good one.
With outside girls, its different. I don't have to see them everyday, so its easier for me to get into that groove of things.
But there's something about local girlies.
No, really, how hard is it to juss go for it?
I've done it numerous times, why am I so reluctant?
We both know it, we juss won't act upon it.
Strange... neither of us are the shy type.
However, to be honest, I'm still recovering from her.
But I know she's nothing like that.
She's better than that.
Docking out...
-Ryan : modest about... life?
Ryan posted this at 7:46 PM.5/3/04
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Hoy hoy!!!
So you can stop asking why I'm OG....
O.G.
-1) (adj) True; original.
-2) (n) Someone who is true to the game, who never sold out.
You cats need to loooooooooounge out [sport arm wave].
What's wrong? I guess you're juss not cool enough, my homie.
Cavalcade, in a word: beyond fun.
Ar-ight, that was technically two, but you cats get the basic foundation of concept.
And it was such a success!
And supposedley, I'm fun to watch! I really want to see the video?
Seriously though, I've never had so much fun dancing for the dance team. They were our last shows of the year and the last shows for the seniors, everything juss felt right.
It was easy to bust out.
Sad thing it is to see the reluctance in the seniors eyes.
You cats are aweshome. Don't forget that.
I juss regret not developing relationships with most of them because granted, I spent more time with that whole team as a whole this year than I have with my friends.
Gargalesthesia, the sensation caused by tickling.
And there is your random, big word for the day.
You're welcome.
Dood, how do snails fight?
Do they smack one another with their eyes?
The AP 11th English and Language exam was cake.
Cheesecake, in fact.
Mmm... cheesecake.
Speaking of cheesecake, Cheski owes me one.
She owes everyone a cheesecake.
Mmm... cheesecake.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
Did you say that my writing is beautiful!?
...oh yeah? Well your FACE is beautiful! HA!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Its also grody, fo shody.
Brother, can you spare a dime?
No?
You Priest-whore, you.
Docking out...
-Ryan : Caught-22
Ryan posted this at 12:41 AM.5/2/04
Sunday, May 02, 2004
She was right there in front of me.
I wanted to embrace her, to hold her close.
But I didn't.
Docking out...
-Ryan : CHoPper of all AP Exams
Ryan posted this at 11:37 PM.4/26/04
Monday, April 26, 2004
Its hard to celebrate the anniversary of the day you came out of a bloody vagina when half of your friends are going through conflicts.
Seriously, its almost as if I'm one of the only cats that doesn't have drama right now.
How can I think of myself when I'm worried about others' happiness?
Sure, acting a fool could bring some degree or moments of jubilation.
However, I'm looking at the long run.
The greatest B-day gift for me would be juss to see you cats smile.
Genuinely.
So I've postponed my celebration until manana.
Besides, its way too hot to be getting all excited.
I'm sweating like Ravi next to a lovely girl.
Docking out...
-Ryan : Mmm, mmm, BIATCH!
Ryan posted this at 10:08 PM.4/21/04
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
She knows the art of beauty well.
Her eternal canvas her rondure body and angelic face.
She drapes her curves in attention-drawing vestures that sway the minds of admirers, magnetizing all masculine stares into the direction she travels.
Her face, naturally radiant and welcoming is further enhanced from breath-takingly beautiful to stupifyingly goddess-like every morning.
Her tender lips are subtly blanketed to further augment their tender, beckoning appearance.
Shadows applied to her eyes emphasize her gazes from those deep pools of brown hue.
Many long to hold her and affectionately look at her in that special way.
But to do so would be too much beauty at once, equivalent of staring at the sun.
Such consternated fears resemble shyness.
Boys rely on what she gives out.
The glances she gives to those lucky enough are moments deserving celebration.
She is already a classic, a masterpiece to the collection.
All she needs is that frame to wrap its borders around her.
To keep her safe and protected.
To take that happiness and capture it in a single representation to the world.
And she'd title herself: "Taken - Happily Ever After."
(Would you like to adopt this description?! Make your flirations now!)
Docking out...
-Ryan : simpin' ain't easy
Ryan posted this at 11:20 PM.4/20/04
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
"Because grades mean a lot to me..."
The way it was said seemed like a beaming invite for comfort.
I have to find a way to make her realize the burden over her mind shouldn't be a burden at all.
I'm tired of seeing cats stress out over school.
Especially the ones who really don't need to with their class grades of eleventy-billion percent.
You people really need to lounge out.
You're out of control.
Don't trip, potatoe chip.
You could fail the final and still get your freakin' A.
Must you really complain that you have a solid A (not trying, mind you) and its slipping when there are others out there who would kill for even a B?
Life isn't all about grades, my friends.
Not at all.
Docking out...
-Ryan : is over prestige like a bridge over water
Ryan posted this at 7:37 PM.4/19/04
Monday, April 19, 2004
I've seen this movie many times.
I know it line by line.
But this time, I wanna press pause and re-evaluate the scene.
I juss want to take time right now and freeze it.
After doing so, I juss want to lounge out.
Take a lil nappy nap.
Get everything worked out and set.
And when everything is copacetic, I'll push play again.
Finish the movie like I always have.
I dig the happy ending.
Docking out...
-Ryan : he understands you more than you think
Ryan posted this at 9:46 PM.4/17/04
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Its hard to write something when the song you're listening to has already summed it up.
So what do you do?
You turn the music off and watch some TV.
And lo and behold, even a 20 second theme-song has summed it up better to you:
She is literally the polaroid of perfection.
She has everything and she'd give it to you in a second.
Looks can deceive, she wears her heart on her sleeve.
And she'll take you away, not juss one day.
Everyday, is an ordinary day.
In her world, she's an ordinary girl.
Clueless beat me out.
Clueless.
And Boogie, nothing happened.
Your cousin's a classy broad, but nothing happened.
Docking...
-Ryan : clueless
Ryan posted this at 11:37 PM. 4/16/04
Yesterday was thursday AKA "Dress Sexy Thursday."
However, I woke up late so I juss threw on some sweats and a sweater-- semi-sexy.
I make even scrub look good.
Because, you know, I'm so inherently sexy.
Its annoying when someone under a private number calls you and doesn't leave a message on your voicemail.
To when tease hicks?
That is the question of the day.
Say it out loud 5 times fast.
Therein lies the answer.
=-=-=
One time, a girl I once knew asked me, "Ryan, how do you do it?"
To which I replied, "Hmm? Do what?"
She answered, "Do that thing you do where you make me smile from ear to ear."
I juss looked at her and told her the truth.
"You know, I don't make many people smile that way... What can I say? You bring out the best in me."
She hugged me so hard, I thought she'd crush my lungs and I'd die from oxygen deprivation.
But at the time, I would've been fine with that.
=-=-=
Suppossedley I have a book out entitled "How To Be A Smooth Operator."
Apparently its successfully informative.
I don't recall writing it. I don't even like nor believe in the title.
Oh well. What can you do?
Drink to that.
...
Consistency--
Its what I've been lacking lately.
Honesty--
That's my "big" secret.
Wit--
My other "big" secret.
Intelligence--
Its sexy.
Patience--
I was born with plenty.
Holla at yo' boy.
Docking out...
-Ryan :
Ryan posted this at 12:07 AM.4/12/04
Monday, April 12, 2004
Forget what you heard.
Know me first.
My mentality is buoyantly sporadic.
I can't hold it down.
I can hold it down for others, but I can't for myself.
And my feelings for girls, they bounce, bounce, bounce.
Someone told me that one problem of mine is I offer so much to a girlie that when I leave, they're unmendable.
Too much of me'll kill a girl.
I don't like to think that.
And I'm not picky.
Ok, I might be.
But what would you expect after meeting a good percentage of the breeds out there?
Another problem? I think a lot.
Beyond a lot... let's try outside the box and into other boxes that that particular box might potentially crash into in the future.
But that's how I've become conditioned since 8th grade because I have to be the crafty problem-solver with ingenuity.
I need a balance right now.
A replacement would do juss fine.
A massage wouldn't hurt either.
I'm going to hire a masseuse to come during Sterling's and McNalley's.
We'll see how it goes down.
Docking out...
-Ryan : Gen-I-Us
Ryan posted this at 11:37 PM.4/11/04
Sunday, April 11, 2004
I don't hate school.
I juss think they're hypocrites in certain aspects.
They award intelligence?
No.
They award effort.
That's all grades are.
Effort.
There's plenty of smart cats at the school.
Their problem?
They're lazy and/or procrastinators.
If they had been graded based on a final test surveying their knowledge of the subject only, they'd for sure have A's.
But no, the system integrates a circuit of points based upon even more things such as classwork and homework.
Don't get me wrong, though.
I like school. Its a place of learning and I do indeed learn sometimes.
However, they shouldn't go around saying they award intelligence and knowledge.
They are better off saying they applaud those putting forth the effort.
Sometimes, its not fair for the knowledgeable ones.
Notice, I said knowledgeable and not smart.
There's a difference.
A big one.
Docking out...
-Ryan : knowledgeable, not smart
Ryan posted this at 9:24 PM.4/9/04
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Interesting... I heard this song (Leona Naess - Charm Attack) describes me somewhat.
I really couldn't tell you.
=-=-=
Don't get mad at me when I cordially deny your offer to lounge out.
I might have educational duties to attend to.
Possibly there are errands to run.
I could be working.
Or, perhaps I am working.
You really have no idea the main line of work I am in.
The many problems that I have to contend with and regulate.
The many conflicts affecting many relationships I'm tied into that I constantly have to alleviate.
The plethora of ideas I have to think of in order to keep things flowing in order and jubilation.
I have numerous ordeals near and far that I have to solve.
A network of struggles, a web of issues that force me to perpetually contravene my current direction of travel.
I'm constantly changing my own perspective, evolving my own position, in order to keep things copacetic.
So when I tell you that I have business to take care of, I mean it.
I have business to take care of.
There's no doubt that whenever there's down time, I take it.
Believe that. I'm Ryan Mose.
And you, don't envy me.
The same blessing you're jealous of is the same curse that keeps me bound to the title of "Regulator."
Because you see, sometimes there are situations that need to be compromised.
And sometimes, I'm the only one that can do it.
It never gets any easier but sometimes I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank heaven that the one thing that gives me stress (minimal, mind you) is my biggest stress-reliever.
Call me crazy, but helping people makes me happy.
But I already have a full plate and they never let me finish.
=-=-=
Sometimes I think I have matured way too quickly.
Often, I think that I've become mildly jaded.
I was once described as an anachronism.
Perhaps it wasn't a compliment.
Cheers, suckaduck.
Docking out...
-Ryan : lost in translation
Ryan posted this at 2:32 AM.4/8/04
Friday, April 09, 2004
Cool. Calm. Collected.
I'm an observer.
On top of that, I'm a thinker.
That should answer a lot of questions.
I think.
Everyone I know knows one thing about me everyone else is oblivious to. Get them all together to give you their unique info and you have me in a nutshell.
Correction, get them all together in a nutshell, and you then have me in a nutshell.
I'm here if you need me.
I won't always have the answer, or the things you want to hear.
But I'm willing to listen.
I don't mind if you hate me. These things happen.
But at least have a good reason for it.
Don't look me in the eyes. It'll give away my answer.
But that's not what I'm trying to warn you about.
Don't look me in the eyes, because it'll give me all the answers.
Reposting this for a friend who is too lazy to go looking in the archives:
"Sunset. A sight so beautiful, yet rare for me personally, that everytime I happen to see it, it leaves me breathless and I truly am at a lost for words when my gaze catches it. I find myself having to look away, and peek out of the corner of my eyes lest I want to drown in a state of emollience. However, I frown at the thought that so many others are lucky enough to catch it daily when I cannot. I can't help but think of its power to throw people into a state of tranquility or inspiring some to go beyond their normal circumstances and perhaps, even making some weak in the knees. Its there, everyday... I just miss it."
Sloth. Quiddler. Xenobombulator.
HA!
Am I really elusive?
Docking out...
-Ryan : questionable
Ryan posted this at 12:29 AM.4/5/04
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
More often than not I have the perfect thing to say.
'Tis a fallacy.
The most perfect things I save for special conversation.
The many metaphors I conjure, I keep stored for rare occasions.
They're stored, saved for scenarios in which my emotions are backed up in a corner by rival emotions juss as strong.
These communities of words are my only hopes of defense from succumbing to pure infatuation.
They turn that yearning, that desideration, into something concrete, something tangible.
The give title to the definition.
This duration of peace has lasted for long enough.
The elite weaponry has to prove its worth once again.
I'm back in that historical period of wanting combat.
White flags are not necessary and are inconsequential.
The spoils of victory hold no essence without due process of fighting.
In this struggle, there are no casualties.
Only wounds.
I'm awaiting declarations of war.
Docking out...
-Ryan : the groupie in need of a superstar to follow
Ryan posted this at 12:28 AM.4/2/04
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Ask a random person what they think of me.
Ask someone on the dance team what I'm like.
Ask Mr. Sterling for his impression of me.
Ask Ms. McNalley what kind of person I am.
Ask J-Sizzle why she fell for me.
Ask a close friend of mine how I act.
Ask my family in what manner do I conduct myself.
Ask yourself in what light you view me in.
And then ask me my own personal opinion.
The answer?
I really couldn't tell you.
But I can tell you this...
I don't really care.
Juss let it all go.
Its all good.
Docking out...
-Ryan : an enigma
Ryan posted this at 2:07 AM.4/1/04
Thursday, April 01, 2004
It rained today.
I had to restrain myself.
=-=-=
Not long after my birthday one year, you took me on a belated birthday outing.
It was the wee hours of the morning.
The streets were so empty, it was as if we were the only two left on Earth.
The only other presence amongst us was the burgeoning rain.
I took off my jacket, shielding you from the rain as we walked into covered territory.
You laid your head against my shoulder as we listened to the methodical litany of nature, our eyes watching every individual drop.
It began to pour.
You took me by the hand and led me into the street, into the core of the chaotic torrent.
Despite the wetness causing the cotton to suffocate your rondure body, my focus was fixated on your face.
The sporadic nature of your hair in the rain was infatuating.
I was smitten by your gaze, and your face reached mine.
You gave me one of the greatest gifts in a while.
You gave me back my innocence.
When you're warm in the cold rain, you know you have something special going on.
=-=-=
Docking out...
-Ryan : the "Rain-Man"
Ryan posted this at 10:34 PM.3/30/04
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Hey, play a lyrically nice, positive 2Pac song.
I'm sorry, did you juss look through your playlist for a minute and find nothing?
Props to whoever can yodel.
That's hardcore.
Update on the J-Kwon ordeal: I got to thinking that maybe J-Kwon wrote "Tipsy" as message that he needs everyone in the club to get tipsy so that he'll begin to look appealing.
Or maybe I'm juss a little jealous that he's making bank.
But not as jealous as I am over Lil Jon who turned 3 phrases and a sore throat into mad money-makers.
Then again, he also makes phat beats. I can't dock him because he's a beatmaker.
I'm living in deja vu.
Nothing is new to me, but recycled.
I've finding it hard to keep myself entertained.
I'm bored and easily content.
And to top it off, I'm holding back... in every aspect.
Why do I set limits I know I can easily transcend?
The sky's the limit but I'm capable of space travel.
I'm sorry, look at all the drabble. Is there anything lower than mute over here?
...
Thank you.
I like to make people think, even if messing with them at times is part of the process.
Is that so bad?
Your face.
Bats are juss mice with wings.
The words she uses could kill a man. She really should adjust her diction because it could potentially compute to some as flirtatious when it isn't.
Its the simple things in life we forget.
Pacific Islander Day on Thursday, suckaaa.
Speaking of cultural awareness week...
Today was Carribean Day and the only thing remotely close to reggae music was "Under The Sea."
They would've been better off playing "P.I.M.P."
Don't be surprised if I could read your mind.
I once knew a girl that smelt of strawberries
Mmm... strawberries.
I liked to be next to her. Her scent was enchanting and emollient.
Emollient. Good word.
Speaking of good words, I'll use one every now and then that doesn't fit the meaning of a sentence juss to see if anyone notices.
No one ever did until today.
Dayum.
Game Day is approaching.
Its official: we're all affection-whores.
Nothing wrong with that.
Docking out...
-Ryan : can read you like a textbook
Ryan posted this at 10:26 PM.3/28/04
Sunday, March 28, 2004
So, it's about 3 in the morning when you text message me.
I call you.
And you're "hello" is is hearty, "if I text message you, distraught, at 3 in the morning and you call me, there's a good chance that you're beyond awesome."
That's juss the way I am.
Docking out...
-Ryan : beyond awesome
Ryan posted this at 2:20 PM.3/27/04
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Now that's the joint, and that's the jam.
You could get with this, or you could get with that.
No, really broad... holy dayum.
Can anyone say "cat's meow?"
Oh Lordy...
I'm back in my Rat Pack mentality.
A little Sinatra or Martin, anybody?
Could you do me a little favor? Whenever anyone walks into your english class, regardless of if they're getting attendence or are a teacher or whatever, could you juss stand up, salute them, and sit back down like its an everyday natural, normal thing?
Thanks.
This next week will be "Game Week" so if I show up out of nowhere and hand you a dollar, don't be surprised. It juss means that you're a winner of some sort of stupid competition that you were completely unaware of and oblivious to.
Yes, that's means I'll be observing you and/or strangers.
But I always do that.
I watch people. I'm an observer. Its what I do.
That's juss the way I am.
The computer is fixed.
The new one requires no fixing.
Big Gulps. With Dr. Pepper. Enough said.
It juss occurred to me that J-Kwon juss might possibly be the ugliest rapper I've ever seen.
When his music video is flicking on the TV, I somtimes wish I didn't have eyes.
Some people are good at hiding things.
Some really juss don't care.
Some people are like slinkies...
They really don't do anything, but are nonetheless fun to watch fall down stairs.
Hey moron, what your girl doesn't know could hurt her.
You are not that slick, I'm sorry.
You're a cliche. Now get the hell out of here.
AND YOU! You anserine lumpen imbecile!
You have such a good thing and you're letting it go without even noticing it!
Stop buying her things!
You need to pay her attention.
Look, she's digs the necklace and the bracelet no doubt, but she also digs you.
And she'd dig it if you two spent more time together. As in, with eachother.
Juss you two.
Alone.
And speaking of relationships...
I'm sorry I've let relationships drop and drift in the past few months, affectionate and friendly.
Although, I'm sorry to say I've still retained my level of happiness in the past few months without you all.
But that's juss the way I am.
I'm over it and I'm on a clean slate.
Let's get sexy.
Wait...
Who am I trying to impress?
Really?
I've always been the one to run to with problems.
And I do my best.
That's juss the way I am.
And the rest is lost in translation.
Docking out...
-Ryan : [he] bangs
Ryan posted this at 5:59 PM.
